+0
hello all,

is the use of semi colon and "for" appropriate in the sentence below? How can i make it more concise? Thanks alot!

Advised clients on business strategy; designed solutions for and pitched proposals to clients
Comments  
Hi,

is the use of semi colon and "for" appropriate in the sentence below? How can i make it more concise? Thanks a lot!

Advised clients on business strategy; designed solutions for and pitched proposals to clients

This is obviously in point-form, which is fine for this type of writing. I suggest -

Advised clients on business strategy. Designed solutions for, and pitched proposals to, clients.

or perhaps

Advised clients on business strategy. Pitched proposals to clients. Designed client solutions.

Best wishes, Clive
thanks mate. one more,

which is more elegant, "them" or "clients" at the end?

Advised clients on business strategy and pitched proposals to them/clients.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hi,

which is more elegant, "them" or "clients" at the end?

Advised clients on business strategy and pitched proposals to them/clients.

'Them' at the end is not elegant, but it's also not nice to repeat 'clients'. How about this?

Advised clients on business strategy and pitched proposals.

Best wishes, Clive
in this case, is it clear that you pitched proposals to clients?

how about adding another verb,

Advised clients on business strategy, designed solutions and pitched proposals.

is it clear that you designed the solutions for clients, and pitched proposals to clients as well?

Thanks so much
Hi,

in this case, is it clear that you pitched proposals to clients? I thought it might be understood from the context. Who else are you likely to pitch proposals to?

how about adding another verb,

Advised clients on business strategy, designed solutions and pitched proposals.


is it clear that you designed the solutions for clients, and pitched proposals to clients as well?Again, would it be understood from the context?

How about Worked with clients to advise on business strategy, design solutions and pitch proposals ?

Best wishes, Clive
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
I prefer "Advised clients on business strategy, designed solutions and pitched proposals." because I feel that "Worked with clients to advise on business strategy, design solutions and pitch proposals" is not very clear in explaining that I am advising clients on strategy. Also, it seems to say that "i worked with clients to design the solution" rather than "i was the only one who design the solutions for the clients"