It is true that in this temporary society, computers are no stranger to children. Throughout my personal experiences with computers, I believe that using computers every day does more harm than good to the children.

Firstly, staring at the computer on a daily basis affects children's health negatively. One of the most undeniable results of computers on a child's health is short-sightedness. The computer screens emit a particular green light which proved to be harmful to human's eyes in the long term. As a result, looking at the computer day by day could make our eyes tired and eventually leads to myopia. In addition, computers promote a sedentary lifestyle. Children who are absorbed in the virtual world have the tendency to stay at home most of the time. This trend increases the risk of hazardous illness such as heart attack and obesity since those computer addicts are lacking in physical exercises.

Secondly, children would gain access to the unwanted sources of information on the Internet. It is clear that the information updated on computer is unlimited; nevertheless, they are sometimes left unmonitored. Children could inadvertently reach the inappropriate contents related to violence and sexuality. Clearly, a child could take in information easily without filtering; therefore, these types of information would provoke violence among children by lingering images of killings. Take my brother as an example. When he was six, my parents allowed him to use the computer without restrictions. After a few months, he became rigorous towards people since he watched a great deal of violent videos on Youtube. We then became aware of the negative impacts of computers on children's mind.

In conclusion, even though computers might have some positive edges, I strongly believe that they are harmful to children in the main and that children should not be allowed to use computers too often.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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It is true that (That adds no information to your essay. Would you write something false?) In this temporary (I do not understand "temporary society." A temporary situation is something that is short-lived and will go away soon.) society, computers are no stranger to children. Throughout Because of my personal experiences with computers, I believe that using computers every day does more harm than good to the children.

Firstly, First, staring at the computer on a daily basis affects children's health negatively. One of the most undeniable common effects results of computers on a child's health is short-sightedness. The computer screens emit a particular green light which proved to be harmful to a human's eyes in the long term. As a result, looking at the computer day by day could make our eyes tired and eventually leads to myopia. In addition, computers promote a sedentary lifestyle. Children who are absorbed in the virtual world have the tendency to stay at home most of the time. This trend increases the risk of heart disease and obesity hazardous illness such as heart attack (A heart attack is not an illness or disease. Arteriosclerosis -- hardening of the arteries -- is the condition that is the underlying cause of an episodic heart attack. Obesity is not a disease or illness, either. ) and obesity since those computer addicts are lacking in do not get enough physical exercises.

Secondly, Second, children would gain access to the unwanted (Not a good choice. what do you mean? - false, misleading, scandalous, inappropriate, untrustworthy, deceptive, fraudulent) sources of information on the Internet. It is clear that the information updated on computer (I don't understand this. Are you talking about a virus the infects the computer?) is unlimited; nevertheless, they (Who?) are sometimes left unmonitored. (unsupervised) Children could inadvertently see reach the inappropriate contents related to with violence and sex. sexuality. Clearly, a child could take in information easily without filtering; therefore, these types this type of information would provoke violence among children by lingering images of killings. Take my brother as an example. When he was six, my parents allowed him to use the computer without restrictions. After a few months, he became rigorous (wrong word - unfriendly / hostile / angry / nasty / ambivalent / antagonistic ) towards people since he watched a great deal of violent videos on Youtube. We then became aware of the negative impacts of computers on children's his mind.

In conclusion, even though computers might have some positive edges,(wrong word) I strongly believe that they are generally harmful to children in the main and that children should not be allowed to use computers too often.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Thank you very much! I really appreciate your detailed comments, they are really helpful! Could you do me one more favour? Can you tell me the score of the essay on the scale of 1 to 9 (according to the Ielts band score)? If could I would be grateful! ❤️

I am not a qualified examiner and do not want to mislead you.

I can tell you with some degree of confidence that your essay is higher than band 2, and lower than band 8.

It's quite a great range, but thank you!

I have just posted another essay about traffic, I would be very grateful if you can check that for me too!

Thank you in advance!

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