Amid the plenty business function that

I have ..

With my head bent over full sheets .

Ans since my eyes decided to take a walk

along a street ,

I can hardly concentrate !

Every memory ; black or red comes to

my aching mind ..

The creeping sadness I can't control

like the waves severely slapping the delicate shore .

Is it possible for the orphan

to look forward to parents' love?

Is it rational to soothe your heart ,

though it's rough ?

Had there been a life belt and a rope ,

the shell would have been dragged out .

No one was there except for

a fluffy cloud .

The shiny sun kept beaming at the

fighting soul .

She thought the waves were having fun ,

And gave the green light for her rays

to spread ..

Far off , the starry night started roaring .

All the black has turned into angelic white .

A mortal marched forwards so fast .

' Nay , it didn't fall on deaf ears , the cry !'

he thought .

This desperate sigh was crystal clear .

Like gold among stones .

or rain drops dissolved in tears !

Alas , this poor creature passed away .

Sometimes normal acts turn into fatal facts .

When the brain's shadow contemplate ,

When an artist's hand won't paint ,

I urge my blackburries to come home .

The Sweet Desert , with all respect
1 2
To be honest I can't work out what most of this is about....sorry.
Hi Nona and thank you very much for calling on this lonely poemEmotion: big smile . You see dear , there're some poems that I've studied which no one could work out and , according to my readings of the poems analysis , their writers would be accused of being insane at times like what has been said about the Symbolism of W.B.Yeats , especially in the Tower group . But neither the writer nor the reader is to blame because readers have their various artistic tastes and the same applies to writers . I've deeply studied the poetry of the 20th century and I know that the nature of its poets is so unique . Each and every writer wolud write according to his own feelings and the amount of works would be baffling and sometimes , worthless ! Now such individualism has resulted in a plenty of oblique poems .

Now , for sure I'm not combaring myself to any of such great writers but , after all , I'm one of their students . When it comes to Symbols ( Symbolism first originated in France ) , I find myself being greatly affected by the symbolic poets whom I've been reading about recently . Frankly , sometimes when I use a certain symbol , I laugh because I don't konw where on earth did I get it from ; to me , it seems that some piecies would compose themselves , like going into a coma and then regaining counsciousness , absurd philosophy, I know , Nona , but this is what I feel .Emotion: smile

Dear Nona , and why being sorry . Criticism is something a writer should accept with open arms . Once I've read this story about Bernard Shaw when a man accused him of being a donkey and then Shaw thanked the man and said that he would not think of it as an insult , rather , he would feel so proud of being combared to such a patient hard worker as the Donkey . See , I do appreciate such an open understanding mentality as his , honest .

Thank you for your time .

p.s. The poem is about a drowning scene .
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Hi Sweet Desert,

If you don't mind my asking,

1. What is the purpose of having spaces before your punctuation?

2. Why is the poem more or less written in complete sentences, if it is about a person drowning? Won't the person be having flashes of images, incoherent thought, and hence, the poem should have more broken sentences? (I thought the tone is more consistent with a callous narrator remembering/watching the poor soul drown, but then, you said, "No one was there except for a fluffy cloud", and you mentioned "the creeping sadness" which is inconsistent with the callousness) Or was a shell drowning (the shell would have been dragged out? but then you mentioned someone passing away)

3. What do your eyes see "along the street" that relate to the waters?

4. Why is there both a mention of the sun and the starring night?

I don't know a thing about poetry. Perhaps you can enlighten poor readers like me. :-)
Hello Julielai ,

First of all , I bet you know much about poetry and it's clear from your questions Emotion: smile.

1- Now having spaces before my punctuation is because , till today , no one's ever gave me such a lovely advice , thank you ....

2- The narrator , in fact , is not the least callous , rather it was the sun and so , I can't see why you perceived of it in this way . Anyhow , poems might be interpreted in many different ways and people would have disputes about the writings of Shakespeare till now ! That's the spirit of poetry , it adds some winds to your imagination so that it would sail .

You might have meant the , rough heart , well , in this case , this heart is not strict BUT it's a heart of someone who's been through much setbacks . And right , the shell was drowning , told ya you've this poetic touch in your queries .

3- You mean the speaker , well , when eyes take a walk , the soul must have been confused .

4- Because this adds insult to the injury, you see , that the shell has suffered for so long . It is to emphasize the duration of this scene .

Merci dear for your comments .
Hi there,

Have you read "Out, Out - " by Robert Frost? It's also about an accident.
http://www.internal.org/view_poem.phtml?poemID=109
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I like your poem very much, especially the image of " Since my eyes decided to take a walk along the street, I can't hardly concentrate...". It reminds me a famous reading of our romantic poet in the revolution of poem in my country with the sentence that I've learnt by heart:" Some kinds of frogs scattered their souls of cemetary to cover the quiet road and the road was spread of black tar:I wandered slowly, the evening was creeping in my mind from the way of the soul of two eyes". I'm very interested in images, sounds and colours in poem. In our schooling ,we should learn a lot of poems, especially the ones who have a great influence in Chinese such as Duong Poem, an aristocratic poem with rhymes , rhythms accents and the definite number of words and sentences..It made us very bored. So free verses are the most interesting way to enjoy literature. You can't be sensitive with the beauty and the interesting if you don't grasp all rules of poem. However, to express your sentiment you can leave out all of these rules. And I feel your vacation with a deep sadness with the slap of the waves like the desesperate sigh of S.O.The suffering of the orphan, the life bellt, the rope{ slave}, the shell {the symbol of timidity] .Your vacation is not vacant , there is a sadness of angel, the tear of angelic white. It's very tender, smooth and flowery.Your sadness is not really a sadness but a romantic sensation.Let's enjoy with this sentiment when we could feel it.But I think it's not very suitable in this forum, so you should repair a little to add some rhymes, some rhythmes and turn it into a new poem instead of free verses.{Our forum is learning English}

Phuong ninh
Julie, thanks a lot for the link. I appreciate it.

p.s. When you come to the Kingdom, drop me a line...Emotion: big smile

The Sweet Desert
Phuon(but I really can't pronounce your nickname), permit me to thank you for taking the pains. I highly value your suggestion and advices.

The Sweet Desert(Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)
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