Hello

Despite my pseudo, I a woman. Mind you, I am not a ***, a feminist or a man hater. I have tried several times to live in couple, this is the third really serious try.

But I am still very disconcerted by men's behaviour -they never come up to my expectations -which aren't ecxessive according to me. What I have always only asked for is a little bit of consideration : taking into account what MY feelings ans MY emotional needs are.
I dare say no man has really helped me when I had problems. On the other hand, when they do have difficulties, they make me feel as if I should listen to them and help them, sometimes in a very hypocritical way. For exemple, why do men who don't agree with you make a scandal, throwing out dishes by the windox, breaking things, instead of having a honest discussion ? My feeling is that nothing has changed : men use us, in a way or another
Why is it tha I, as a woman, should always beware of his feelings and take care of what I say or do, so that to avoid his fits of nerves ????

And why is it that we, women, are considered to be the histerical part of mankind, though most men are perfectly unable to control their behaviour and behave like 4-year-olds ?
What is your experience on this subject ? And also : why don't men accept to go to a spy in order to nurse themselves, as we women do so easily (only not to bother our friends and family with our psychological problems ?)

I daresay it depresses me -perhaps it is all my fault. I always managed to chose the same charterial type of men, perhaps.

I would like to be all alone by myself on a desert island with my son : I have never been as happy and contented than at these moments (though we were not on a desert island, really.
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There's nothing wrong with men in this world, Vance, reallyEmotion: smile I dare say its just your intuition that lets you down... I have a girlfriend who always selects wrong men - every time she feels inspired and says it's the one she'd searched for all her life, but in a little while she discovers that he's not like her ideal at all. May be you should be more attentive to your own behaviour, for you may promote such attitide unconsciously - try to analyse what promotes hystercis of the man, and how he behaves in other situations. And remeber that love makes us put up with the things otherwise unbearableEmotion: smile It's really hard to say, what's the reason for such unhappy choices. And I think it's better to get an expert's advice on the subject - at least they can teach you to manage the men you chooseEmotion: smile
Hope everything will be ok

Good luckEmotion: wink
Thanks for your answer Fair Lady

What is hystercis ? Do you mean that I, by my behaviour, triggers it ?
I regularly go to see a psy (not a spy).
Anyway, I don't know. I was speaking generally : I am under the impression that, generally, men are less sensitive than women. But maybe I always chose the wrong ones. I can't do anything to this.
Just sit down and feel bad.
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You really shouldn't generalise like that though, everyone is different. There are lots of sensitive men out there. Maybe you provoke that kind of behaviour with the way you word things, for example, maybe instead of saying "you don't do this, you don't do that" you could say "I'd really appreciate it if you did this" or "could you please do this for me?". Sometimes it's just a matter of how you approach a person. Good communication is vital to a healthy relationship.
Well, I know that everyone is supposed to be different. Although, come to think of it, they might no be so different as they are supposed to. I could easily give you examples of patterns of behaviour which can even be scientifically reproduced. Have you heard of this experiment on compliance with orders, whatever they might be, that was carried out by comportemental scientists ? I don't remember the exact figures, but out of 100 persons tested, a great number complied with the orders to "punish", including when the "punishment" entailed a high risk for the so-called "learners" (who were supposed to act as the subject of the experiment, when in fact they were actors).
I seem to be out of the point. Maybe.
But, although I thank you both to have taken interest in my plight, I can't but notice that the two answers come up to be very similar : I am certainly the one who provoke.... I have noticed the same with psys (except one psychoanalyst who goes a little further than that)
Well... Let me tell you that I never say "do this, or don't do that." What made you assume I did ? Although I express myself in French in my daily life, what I usually say is "Perhaps it might better if...." or "I think that you should..." (Exactly what you said in the beginning of your post).
Anyway, I didn't come here to raise a war against men. I am sorry If I gave this impression. I was simply very hurt, because of something that happened, I needed to talk without giving the details -they are too personnal and this is not a help forum.
Thank you for all.
Hi,
I will quote your own words
"But I am still very disconcerted by men's behaviour -they never come up to my expectations "

You have already mentioned that you are dissatisfied, I do not see it as the case with all other woman. AND I am not sure why others should stand up to your expectaions, it can happen other way round too, you might not have stood up to their expectations.

Its only a perception.
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I didn't understand this : ...."I do not see it as the case with all other woman". Perhaps it's my poor English

And it's only a forum.

Have a nice day.
"I do not see it as the case with all other women" means he's trying to tell you he doesn't think all women are always dissatisfied with their man.

And maybe you're just asking for too much. Ever think of what your guys feel about you?

Peace.
Hey Vance,
Well... Let me tell you that I never say "do this, or don't do that." What made you assume I did ?

Nobody is assuming anything. How could they? Nobody knows you or what your situation is really like. They are just trying to make you stop and consider whether maybe it is something in your actions and words that makes these men react the way they do (in case you already haven't). Not everybody puts themselves in the other person's shoes when they are having an argument. Please don't feel like people are attacking you here, because that is not the case. But, from what you've told us, there seems to be a pattern in these different men's reactions, and that is why people here are suggesting that maybe it's something that you're doing which triggers this behaviour.

Obviously they may be completely wrong. Only you know exactly what is going on.

You mentioned that this is not a help forum, and it's true, but you still might get something useful out of all these people's suggestions. You need to consider the situation from all angles, and find the root of the problem. It could be many different things, not just one thing.
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