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It is a nice idea, (a description of agape?) but lacks any merit on an artistic level. The language is unadventurous and boarders on sounding "matter-of-fact".
You begin a sentence by discussing the love of "something" but end with making the subject about a person, if this is simply "poetic-license" to convey the idea that you love inanimate objects as much as real people then I apologize and suggest you disregard my comment.
Best of luck.
GuyD:It's hard to improve on this:
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
"And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
"If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
"Love never ends."
Here is the way I expressed an immature love in one of my essays:
"I was more than crazy about Glenda; I was in love with her. I was more than in love with her; she was my first love. I thought about her, dreamed about her, fanaticized about her. She was always on my mind. That she was three years younger didn’t matter. I wanted her, not for a sex partner, but for a girl friend . . ..
"First loves may be lost, but they are never forgotten. And when that love is not returned, the lover builds an even stronger case for the one loved. A love not returned distorts feelings about the one loved as well as about the lover. Being shy only amplifies the feelings. And I was shy, and I was in love, and my love was not returned."
maj:You should definitely explain why your love was not returned. The reader would like to know more about that.
Anonymous:i think that your poem is very true and that the word LOVE isn't something u just say just to say it its something u mean from the bottom of your heart
Anonymous:Interesting definition. If the person who you love decided to have a sex change would you still love them just the same? That would be under the definition of unconditional.
People are waiting to help.
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