Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University
1. He only had one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt He wrote it Himself.
6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done sincethen?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating His results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use humansubjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowningthe subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, He deleted them from thesample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say He had His son teach the class.
14. He expelled His first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed Histests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
(Source unknown, but my brother just showed me this, so blame him!)
Christopher
http://www.alt-usage-english.org/AUE gallery/chris johnson.html
1. He only had one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt He wrote it Himself.
6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done sincethen?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating His results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use humansubjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowningthe subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, He deleted them from thesample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say He had His son teach the class.
14. He expelled His first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed Histests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
(Source unknown, but my brother just showed me this, so blame him!)
Christopher
http://www.alt-usage-english.org/AUE gallery/chris johnson.html
(Source unknown, but my brother just showed me this, so blame him!)
Why should I blame him? He didn't post any corny jokes on this ng, AFAIK.
Nothing upsets me more - not even spam mail - than the forward mail with corny jokes, from people I know.
snip
(Source unknown, but my brother just showed me this, so blame him!)
Why should I blame him? He didn't post any corny jokes on this ng, AFAIK. Nothing upsets me more - not even spam mail - than the forward mail with corny jokes, from people I know.
I thought it was sorta clever. I'm glad Christopher posted it; I might never have seen it otherwise.
Thanks, Christopher.
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snip
(Source unknown, but my brother just showed me this, so blame him!)
Why should I blame him? He didn't post any corny jokes on this ng, AFAIK. Nothing upsets me more - not even spam mail - than the forward mail with corny jokes, from people I know.
Then, obviously, you are not on the list for inspirational e-mail. I shall send your name to a certain friend of my wife's that sends weekly Uplifting Thoughts she's culled from somewhere.
Tony Cooper aka: tony (Email Removed)
Provider of Jots, Tittles, and Oy!s
snipWhy should I blame him? He didn't post any ... the forward mail with corny jokes, from people I know.
I thought it was sorta clever. I'm glad Christopher posted it; I might never have seen it otherwise. Thanks, Christopher.
As always, Bob, you're most welcome.
Christopher
http://www.alt-usage-english.org/AUE gallery/chris johnson.html
I thought it was sorta clever. I'm glad Christopher posted it; I might never have seen it otherwise.
Obviously you don't have pen pals in Christopher's age group. I receive lots of jokes, electronic cards etc from my younger correspondents. I admit, I get bored with their idea of humor. Perhaps it's an aquired taste than one aquires as aging into the second childhood.
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Then, obviously, you are not on the list for inspirational e-mail. I shall send your name to a certain friend of my wife's that sends weekly Uplifting Thoughts she's culled from somewhere.
I believe your message inspired one of our contributor's head, who just sent me a web address to a Russian dating service. Perhaps it was someone who faked the address of one of the contributors, I have not time for this kind of "fact checking".
I thought it was sorta clever. I'm glad Christopher posted it; I might never have seen it otherwise. Thanks, Christopher.
As always, Bob, you're most welcome.
It is interesting that this is the first message in this thread appearing on my screen. The others must have been rejected by the German server, or something. Were they, perhaps, not in plain text format?
Anyway, I have blocked e-mail from some people who have insisted on sending me "inspirational messages" and jokes. After all, I have been connected to the Internet since the early nineties, so there's not too much new that's being forwarded in the joke department. Regarding the "inspirational stuff", that happens because my wife has many devout Filipino Catholics in her circle of acquaintances, and they feel that "the word" has to be spread. Eash message used to arrive with instructions to forward it to as many people as possible. I did not have the heart nor the balls to tell them to stop that, so I wound up blocking all of their communications.
There also have been many of those hoax messages that I used to get from well-meaning, but uninformed acquaintances. To them I have usually sent a nice educational message, including a request that they remove me from their group-mailing address list.
Skitt (in SF Bay Area) http://www.geocities.com/opus731/ I speak English well I learn it from a book!
Manuel (Fawlty Towers)
Anyway, I have blocked e-mail from some people who have insisted on sending me "inspirational messages" and jokes.
Eventually I did the same thing, but not before I begged everyone not to forward me those messages. I also tried more subtle ways: I "analized" some paragraphs of the inspirational message, making fun of the platitudinous stuff, thus forcing the senders to admit that they never read all that garbage, they only dump it in mai email box.
After all, I have been connected to the Internet since the early nineties, so there's not too much new that's being forwarded in the joke department.
Precisely! It's such a comfort to find a kindred soul. I thought that I became oversensitive about the forward mail. I try to be more tolerant with kids and people who've just discovered the joy of Internet and I take my time to explain them that I use the email only for direct communication.
Regarding the "inspirational stuff", that happens because my wife has many devout Filipino Catholics in her circle of acquaintances, and ... the heart nor the balls to tell them to stop that, so I wound up blocking all of their communications.
I didn't have the heart to do that suddenly, so I did it gradually. I created new screen names for senders of junk mail (some of them are my relatives, good friends or esteemed colleagues) complaining that I had to kill the previous screenname due to spam, forward mail etc. Other times I take the "high road", claiming that in my free time I prefer to read Shakespeare or Wittgenstein or a NYT editorial than corny jokes, which is only half truth, because I prefer neither.
There also have been many of those hoax messages that I used to get from well-meaning, but uninformed acquaintances. To them I have usually sent a nice educational message, including a request that they remove me from their group-mailing address list.
I cannot do that to my old aunt, that's why I took it on poor Christopher.
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