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I'm 16 but I assume I have quite an old-fashined way of thinking. And I really belive that marriage is important in a man's life. That's my opinion and I respect any other way of thinkig. But answering anita_a's question, I guees people don't fall in love nowadays, or rather they do... but they think they had fallen in love when they actually hadn't. Some years ago, people were marring, and divorcing, that's why they didn't fall in love, they just felt some attraction. So, live-in ralationships got more confortable, you join someone, and without the burocracy of a marriage, you may "get divorce", so I think it's about practicity, nothing else.
Sorry for this OT...i just needed a writing space and..help, pardon me

Consider a situation..a guy me and a gurl A. They are extremely well to do and very highly educated. Education apart, they were very fortunate to fall in love amidst a lot of activities. This was 2 years back. A and I are very good friends since 4-5 years now. It was since then that I had an attraction developed for A and then finally proposed to her before leaving India for my higher studies last year. Before that A was supposed to get engaged with some junk who ditched her mercilessly on grounds of uncertainity in his feelings for her. I somehow felt that it was the appropriate time for me to propose to her. That was the beginning of a few golden moments... Days went by and lots of things cropped up... I was dedicated to A and A was even more dedicated to me.

Brought up in a modern, but yet typical Hindu upper-middle class families, both of us respect our parents' views a lot. My parents are not orthodox but were a bit taken aback by the inter-caste marriage system. Her parents were welcome with anything that could make her happy. So, in the beginning it was tough for our marriage to take place. We were truly dedicated to each other all the while. Last month my parents had agreed for my alliance with her to take place, but half-heartedly. It did take time for me to convince them. In the meanwhile, a disaster had occured where A, was hurriedly fixed up for a marriage with another guy X against her wishes. The painful part is.... A is now married to X for few days now. She was unable to stop this marriage fearing her parents' reputation/health. Now we are getting desperate. The sweet yet painful part is....A is still very much dedicated to me. She says she can not live without me and hates X as of now. She has even refused to sleep with X on their trip to honeymoon. This is present... A considers me to be her true husband and not X. She is ready to live this way....i dont know whats stopping me from digesting all this as easily as she puts it. I also fear that nothing should malign or disrespect my feelings/love for her. I dont mean to do that either.

I am a bit conscience driven guy. It has been a horrendous experience for me ...and im still dedicated to A. A is dead serious about not giving me up. I was shocked to see how a woman could be so strong emotionally..that too after marriage (Why do people term marriage to be "sacred", "important" or "dangerous") ?

P: I love A a lot. I respect her for her dedication to me. She is very focussed, mature and very stubborn by nature. I love that aspect of hers. We are planning to live with each other sacrificing some parts of our lives like society etc. We have been in a physical relationship too. That has made things a bit too complicated. Geographical distance being another.

Q: I personally think, after gettin a lot of advices from people, that its not too straightforward to continue loving a girl even after her marriage. I started hating the concept of marriage (especially forced/arranged ones). People say its a sin...... Emotion: sad

'P' and 'Q' are confliciting. Why do people realy treat marriage to be such a divine and a strong thing between people when there is no love between them? Isnt love stronger than marriage? is it sin to love outside marriage? I am ready to marry her if required so...but am not sure how to go about it now.

On other hand, I believe that one is entitled to pursue what he believes and respects. And thus would like to go on with loving her.

HELP

(Note: I am unable to give you all the details right away, but it would be my pleasure to provide any clarifications)
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This sounds like a very sad and difficult situation. I understand the idea of arranged marriages and that the system can work extremely well. Forced marriage is another thing altogether. If you say her parents just wanted her to be happy why are they now forcing her into marriage with another man?

I feel sorry for the new man X too - does he know he is getting a bride who is so reluctant she hates him, has no intention of trying to create a genuine marriage with him, and still wants to continue seeing her existing lover after the marriage? He is as much a victim as the two of you.

I have no idea what advice to give you as clearly your cultural setting and society is so very different to mine. It sounds as if you are planning to run away and live together after this marriage. Won't this cut you off from your families? If you are willing to make that sacrifice, wouldn't it be better to do it before the marriage?
Hemant RWhen we fall in love for the first time (or when we usually fall in love), we think it's gonna last for a lifetime. We think there will not be anything better than this in our entire life. We feel as if we are "CUPID's OWN"!! Emotion: smile Most of us are extremely young at this point of time.

But, after marriage, which soon follows, we feel otherwise. It's then that we see the reality. As even Anita agrees. It's then that we feel - "We should have waited a bit longer"!! Emotion: crying

What's done remains done, so no use crying now. That's where live-in relationships come in handy. Live-in relationships give us a fair chance to grow as a human and even as an adult. Marriages hardly give us time to grow. Marriages bring a lot of commitments, responsibilities etc. with it. Satisfying these we hardly get time to grow. There is a sense of urgency, because we have gotten married - we have to satisfy these additional responsibilities. Since we are not matured enough to handle such advanced states of mind, we crumble under pressure. Or most of us start acting like machines and that's where monotony creeps in. And then follows the boss - "DIVORCE"!! (U)

Practically speaking it's the "Live-in Relationships" that help us grow and understand each other better. It is only then we can help our partner grow rather than cramping up the space, like in marriages.

So, atleast for me, live-in relationships are better than marriages any day any time. Anita I hope I've been able to answer your query.
Its good to do what you firmly believe in. If marryinng is no problem to you then enjoy your life the way you want it

Cheers.
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what i feel personally that a live in relationship provides a free and independent platform to both of the individuals and help them in being innovative.
Hello Anita

when a woman marries a man in my culture there is no question of relationships. You live with the man till your death. What you are perhaps trying to say is that have a wife and have affairs. Am i right. if not please correct me. by now you may understand that there is no question of living in a relationship. marriage is sacred , built on trust, faith and moral values. So for me and my family there is no question of living in arelationship. If this comes about in life then the sad end is divorce. You do understand what I am saying
Anita,you don't buy a car without taking it for a spin, do you?

And if you can't be bothered with responsibility (service,insurance,fees,etc) you just hire it for a time being...Emotion: big smile
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I think it's because "marriage" somehow scares most of us, it's a very important decition and although if things don't go as you thought they would, you can get divorced, it's won't be same if you get married again. It's just the first time..Emotion: smile

It can also be because you can break a relationship easily while getting divorced takes a lot of time. Emotion: smile
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