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The demand in oil and gas has been increased globally. Therefore, it is thought to explore undiscovered areas to find hidden resources. This essay will argue that why the exploitation of new areas is more harmful than benefitting.

By opening up access to unexplored areas, the areas would become vulnerable to damage, and ultimately add up in environmental hazards. The process of drilling for extracting oil and gas causes unrecoverable damage to the surroundings by either emitting hazardous gasses making people sick or by disposing waste material into sea which can lead to killing many sea creatures. For example, Chinese government started a project for extraction of oil and gas in its northern region. During that process, there was an immense disruption in sea life, and the icebergs started melting causing a rise in surrounding temperature. For this reason, it is obvious that the environment is harmed by human desires of natural resources.

Instead of looking for new areas to find more oil and gas, people should work more on renewable energy and other resources. By using renewable energy, there will be less harm to the environment and on the living beings. Other energy sources include solar, water and wind. In a recent study conducted at University of California, by introducing solar cars only, there is decrease in oil and gas utilization and they are echo friendly as well. Hence, using other renewable sources, the need of oil and gas can be limited to certain fields only.

In conclusion, although the demand in oil and gas has been increased globally, more concentration should be given to renewable and other forms of resources. Which in turn reduces the need of exploring more areas for oil and gas.

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Message body:
With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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The demand in (wrong word) oil and gas has been increased (wrong verb form) globally. Therefore, it is thought (wrong expression) to explore undiscovered areas to find hidden resources. This essay will argue that why the exploitation of new areas is more harmful than benefitting.


Improper thesis statement. Never mention your writing, your essay or what you are going to tell the reader in an academic essay. Write a proper thesis statement - the main point of the essay. For this topic, it answers the question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?)


By opening up access to unexplored areas, the areas would become vulnerable to damage, and ultimately add up in (wrong expression) environmental hazards. The process of drilling for extracting oil and gas causes unrecoverable damage to the surroundings by either emitting hazardous gasses making people sick or by disposing waste material into sea which can lead to killing many sea creatures. For example, the Chinese government started a project for the extraction of oil and gas in its northern region. During that process, there was an immense disruption in sea life, and the icebergs started melting causing a rise in the surrounding temperature. For this reason, it is obvious that the environment is harmed by human desires (wrong expression) of natural resources.

Instead of looking for new areas to find more oil and gas, people should work more on renewable energy and other resources. By using renewable energy, there will be less harm to the environment and on the living beings. Other energy sources include solar, water and wind. In a recent study conducted at the University of California, by introducing solar cars only, there is decrease in oil and gas utilization and they are echo friendly as well. Hence, using other renewable sources, the need of oil and gas can be limited to certain fields only.

In conclusion, although the demand in oil and gas has been increased globally, more effort concentration should be given to renewable and other forms of resources. Which in turn reduces the need of exploring more areas for oil and gas. (Fragment, incomplete sentence)

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You have several mistakes (12)

And I correct them

The demand for oil and gas has been increased globally. Therefore, it is thought to explore undiscovered areas to find hidden resources. This essay will argue that why the exploitation of new areas is more harmful than benefitting.

By opening up access to unexplored areas, the areas would become vulnerable to damage, and ultimately add up in environmental hazards. The process of drilling for extracting oil and gas causes unrecoverable damage to the surroundings by either emitting hazardous gasses making people sick or by disposing of waste material into the sea which can lead to killing many sea creatures. For example, the Chinese government started a project for the extraction of oil and gas in its northern region. During that process, there was an immense disruption in sea life, and the icebergs started melting causing a rise in the surrounding temperature. For this reason, it is obvious that the environment is harmed by human desires of natural resources.

Instead of looking for new areas to find more oil and gas, people should work more on renewable energy and other resources. By using renewable energy, there will be less harmful to the environment and on living beings. Other energy sources include solar, water and wind. In a recent study conducted at the University of California, by introducing solar cars only, there is a decrease in oil and gas utilization and they are eco friendly as well. Hence, using other renewable sources, the need for oil and gas can be limited to certain fields only.

In conclusion, although the demand for oil and gas has been increased globally, more concentration should be given to renewable and other forms of resources. Which in turn reduces the need for exploring more areas for oil and gas.

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