Nature has created men and women in different characters and distinctive appearances. Therefore, the trend in modern times for both men and women to have greater freedom of choice in terms of employment. In my opinion, gender equality should be encouraged instead of sexism. However, I still believe that it is right to exclude certain gender from certain occupations.

Each profession requires not only profound experiences but also relevant characteristics. That’s an explanation why females predominated the field relating to young children or involving gentleness as well as compliance, and males make up a high percentage in certain professions asking for a physical condition with a competitive and confident trait.

It’s completely seen to have more female teachers from preschool to secondary school. We could even realize that the nurses taking care of patients or nannies is frequently women. Females have difficulty in offering a job with highly demanding physical attributes such as a soldier.

Whereas, males are more likely to be employed in mining and construction industries because they are physically stronger. Society strictly does not accept the man to be a beautician or a cushy job. The far-reaching consequences are the stigma and disrespect of citizens.

However, they should be equally granted opportunities with the aim of promoting them to the limit. We used to witness Marie Curie succeeding in science and at the present time, the most powerful woman politician from Germany, Angela Merkel. In conclusion, we should exclude males and females from very few exceptional occupations. Otherwise, it would be better to support equal job opportunities between men and women

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Your essay is not well structured into paragraphs. The coherence and cohesion is not good.


Nature has created men and women with in different characteristics and distinctive appearances. Therefore, (wrong transition word. "Therefore" makes no sense here.) the trend in modern times for both men and women to have greater freedom of choice in terms of employment. In my opinion, gender equality should be encouraged instead of sexism. However, I still believe that it is right to exclude certain people gender (wrong usage) from certain occupations based on their gender.

Each profession requires not only profound experiences but also relevant characteristics. ( It does not make sense. Each profession has specific requirements.) That’s (Do not use contractions in formal essays) an the explanation why females predominate in occupations d the field relating to young children or involving gentleness as well as compliance, and males make up a high percentage in certain professions asking for requiring a physical strength condition with a competitive and confident attitude. trait.

It’s completely seen It is natural to have more females in teaching positions teachers from preschool to secondary school. We could even realize that the nurses taking care of patients or nannies is (wrong verb form) frequently women. Females have difficulty in offering (wrong word. Offer a job is what employers do.) a job with highly demanding physical strength and stamina attributes such as a soldier.

Whereas, males men are more likely to be employed in mining and construction industries because they are physically stronger. Society strictly does not accept the man to be a beautician or a cushy job. (a man is not a job) The far-reaching consequences are the stigma and disrespect of citizens.

However, they should be equally granted opportunities with the aim of promoting them to the limit. (That does not make sense) We used to witness Marie Curie succeeding in science and at the present time, the most powerful woman politician from Germany, Angela Merkel. (Your paragraphs are fused here. - The conclusion must be separate.) In conclusion, we should exclude males and females from very few exceptional occupations. Otherwise, it would be better to support equal job opportunities for between men and women