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I wrote this paragraph yesterday and I need someone who can correct this one.

Topic 1: In 180 words, write a paragraph about the disadvantages of studying abroad.

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There are some drawbacks of studying in other countries. One of the most obvious disadvantages of studying oversea is that students have to face financial problems. It is true that tuition fees and the cost of living such as accomodation, food and bills in foreign nations are higher than those in their home country. What is more, when first coming to another country, it is very difficult for them to find a part - time job to meet their basic needs. Secondly, attending university or college abroad cannot avoid homesickness and loneliness. Obviously, without any of the social and emotional support from your family and old friends that you might normally take for granted in home country, you will be feel lonely and bored. In addition, making friends takes time and it can be more difficult in a culture you are not used to. The last disadvantage of studying abroad is that you may experience language barrier. Learning a new language can be tougher than you think, especially if you need to understand it thoroughly, In short, studying oversea should be taken into consideration because of its drawbacks mentioned above.

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There are some drawbacks to studying in other countries. One of the most obvious ones disadvantages of studying oversea is that students have to face financial problems. It is true that Tuition fees and the cost of living such as accommodation, transportation, food and utilities in foreign nations are higher than those in their home country. What is more, when first coming to another country, it is very difficult for them to find a part - time job to meet their basic needs. Second, attending university or college abroad (improper subject) cannot avoid homesickness and loneliness. Obviously, without any of the social and emotional support from your (improper change of person. This is bad style. You started with third person, and now switch to second person. Be consistent.) family and old friends that you might normally take for granted in (missing word) home country, you will be feel lonely and bored. In addition, making friends takes time and it can be more difficult in a culture you are not used to. The last disadvantage of studying abroad is that you may experience (missing word) language barrier. Learning a new language can be tougher than you think, especially if you need to understand it thoroughly, In short, studying oversea should be taken into consideration (wrong words) because of the its drawbacks mentioned above.

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The point of view at the beginning of your composition is "the students." About halfway through, it changes to "you." This type of essay should not be in the second person. Additionally, you have changed the point of view. You should not do that.

In the following sentence, you have misused "avoid." Furthermore, you are saying that "attending the university can't avoid..." Of course it can't. That isn't really logical.

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Comments  

Thank you so much for correcting my paragraph. I'm bad at writing, but I'll try to improve this skill. Hope you will help me in the future. Good night <3

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Thanks for your help. I'll try not to make any mistakes like those.