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Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives.

Do you agree?

Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.

Notes Write about:

1. whether people’s appearance is important
2. the price of clothes
3. …………………… (your own idea)


It is said that people's lives nowadays are affected very badly by the fashion industry. I think there are three main reasons that cause this issue, include the importance of people's appearance, the cost of types of clothes, and the materials that are made into clothes.
To start with, it is undeniable that clothes play an important role in forming people's appearance, which makes people take pride in and be more confident in themselves. Therefore, many individuals usually take care of their looks too much in both work and social life like what types of shirts or pants should be worn, or even they criticise someone else just by his or her apprearance. They seem to forget everything around them, and they do not realize that clothes just make people more beautiful outside but not inside.
Secondly, earning their living is not easy, but many people have a tendency of fashion, especially they do not care for the price of clothes. This leads to spend too much time and money on buying so many kinds of clothes, even some of them are too expensive and unsuitable for their normal lives.
Lastly, there are a huge variety of clothing stores in the world from a small shop to a famous store. However, people rarely pay much attention to what the clothes are from. In another word, some kinds of clothes are made from wild animal's skin, and even endangered animals. It is illegal and the special wild animals become extinct.
In conclusion, people are suffering from the disastrous effects of the fashion industry because of three causes that are given.

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The first comment I have is that you failed to follow the directions.
You wrote nearly 270 words, and the range of word count in the instructions is 140-190.


You will lose points for this. In general, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, (for Task 2 academic) your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic.

Fourth, you will take a lot of time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time to spend on other parts of the test, and get a lower score overall.

I would delete the point about wild animal parts. It does not fit the topic about having a bad effect on our lives. It does have a bad effect on the animals' lives. People know that very expensive fur coats ( a sable fur coat can run as high as $150,000, and a lower-tier mink coat can cost at least $1,000.) and alligator-skin boots (Price: $500) are made by killing animals for their pelts and skins. The synthetic materials are much less expensive.

My next comment is that this is a report from your discussion in class. The tone needs to be informal. You need to write as if you are reporting what your classmates said.



It is said that (This is not appropriate for reporting on a discussion in an English class. It is far too exalted.) people's lives nowadays are affected very badly by the fashion industry. I think there are three main reasons that cause this issue, (We do not say that reasons cause problems. Unnatural) including the importance of people's appearance, the cost of types of clothes, and the materials used. that are made into clothes.
To start with, it is undeniable that (This is not appropriate for reporting on a discussion in an English class.) clothes play an important role in forming people's appearance, which makes people take pride in and be more confident in themselves. Therefore, many individuals usually take care of their looks too much in both work and social life like what types of shirts or pants should be worn, (This is too verbose and wordy.) or even they criticise someone else just by his or her apprearance. They seem to forget everything around them, and they do not realize that clothes just make people more beautiful outside but not inside.
Secondly, earning their living is not easy, but many people have a tendency to buy the latest fashions and brand names; of fashion, especially they do not care about for the price of clothes. This leads to spend (wrong form) too much time and money on buying so many kinds of clothes, even some of them are too expensive and unsuitable for everyday wear. their normal lives.
Lastly, there are many a huge variety of clothing stores in the world from a small shop to a famous store. However, people rarely pay much attention to what the clothes are from. (ungrammatical) In another word, some kinds of clothes are made from wild animal's skin, and even endangered animals. It is illegal and the special wild animals become extinct.
In conclusion, people are suffering from the disastrous effects of the fashion industry because of these three reasons. causes that are given.

Comments  

Please copy all of the instructions so we know how to evaluate your writing!

Write your answer in 140 – 190 words in an appropriate style on the separate answer sheet. ______________________________________________________________________________

In your English class you have been talking about the fashion industry. Now, your English teacher has asked you to write an essay. Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.


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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

I'd like to say thank you for your comments a lot. It helps me realize what I am lacking in. Actually, my writing is not good, and I am learning step by step to improve it. I'll try my best for my another writing. Many thanks

Indeed, it is very important to see your mistakes at the training stage.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.