I prepare this letter to apply for a scholarship in a University in Europe (Norway), the deadline for this scholarship is quite close, so I really appreciate comments and corrections to my letter.
Thank in advance!

Dear Sir or Madam,
with this letter I want to explain my motivation to spend one semester in Norway generally and at the BI Norwegian School of Management in particular to broaden
my business acquirements and my individual experiences. I am currently in my seventh semester at my studies in Business Administration and Engineering (Dipl.-Ing.) at the University of Technology and I am scheduling my stay abroad for the 10th semester which is my last graduate semester, starting in january 2008. After an internship I am going to finalise my studies at the end of the 11th semester.
From an experience abroad I am expecting a challenge in professional and personal domains and I hope to improve my in-depht knowledge, my language ability
and other crucial qualifications at a distinguished university in the culturally and historically very interesting capital city of Oslo. Getting a new perspective on my life from a foreign european country is one of my major intents.
I finished my undergraduate studies very successfully in the fifth semester, whereupon I was furthermore permited to attend some graduate courses.
In my graduate courses I focussed technically on automobile engineering and logistics, economically on infrastructure and in business on finance / investment and strategic management, whereupon my performance was above average hitherto . Because my semester abroad is going to be my last one, I will bring along plenty of knowledge, what keeps determined and prosperous studies at BI Norwegian School of Management in good stead.
Among my studies I am working at the XXXXX, an economic teaching and research unit in the School of Economics & Management at Berlin University of Technology as a project assistant. This is were I also wrote my “Studienarbeitwhich deals with an economic topic concerning comparisons between “Public-Private-Partnerships” and the traditional procurement approac h. In the framework of the project work at the XXXXX, where I am consigned with basically technical exercise s, my skills to work arduous, motivated and my ability to work under hard pressure are appraised very positive. By reason of a technical relevant third-party funds project lasting until December 2007, it is regrettably not possible for me to spend a whole academic year abroad. After my degree I am planning a career in the field of management with a bias towards automotive industry, whereas am not commited yet. Work placements and other practical experiences as well as my work at the XXXXX should encourage my decision making.

I choose the country of Norway as my desired destination abroad, because I am fascinated by this country already for a long time. With an unique history and its inimitable residents and the terrific nature, Norway provides a multitude of well worth knowing and unique peculiarities. Because the language of instruction is going to be English and this language accompanied my until my “Abitur” in an specialised course, I discern no problems in communication during and besides the studies. Thereby I think it will be feasible to settle in the norwegian society and to experience the culture and people. During three long journeys, I had the chance to discover – even if from a perspective of an vacationist – the interesting and enriching sides of Norway and its citizens.

The BI Norwegian School of Management provides an opportunity for me to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad. The BI as the largest business school in Europe is a worldwide known and reputable, international orientated school and it would be an ideal supplement to my attended studies with the courses (predominantly in strategic management) I selected from the wide range of course options. The consequent demand to educate for an successful career accomodates me very much. The courses offered fit very well with my hitherto existing studies, my interests and my abilities because teamwork, ??? and ??? looms large
. Studies at the BI Norwegian School of Management would furthermore, due to the internationality of the school, provide an insight into nationalities and cultures throughout the world. This would open up new and diverse perspectives and it would broaden my horizon with supposably grandiose experiences.
I hope with this letter I revealed my impetus and my desire to spend one semester in an amazing country at an unique school of management. I feel confident that my qualifications are more than sufficient and that I am able to meet the postulated and the forthcoming demands.

I am looking forward to a potential semester at the BI Norwegian School of Management and I hope I managed to convince you of my personage and my request. Hopefully you get down toa positive appraisal of my application.

Thank you very much for your efforts.

Yours faithfully

XXX




I've only thoroughly checked the parts you've highlighted in blue as I take it these are the words you are not sure of. If I've left them blue, they are ok, or I've made corrections in red.

However, a quick scan shows many other problems. I get the impression you wrote this with a dictionary in your hand and have tried to force in as many complex words as possible to impress the reader - but you are not using them all correctly and the effect is rather comical in parts. Go through and re-write with your normal, natural, language. I've highlighted the worst errors for you in yellow but there are also others, for example you have problems knowing when to use an/a. and with captialisation of proper nouns.

Dear Sir or Madam,
with this letter I want to explain my motivation to spend one semester in Norway generally and at the BI Norwegian School of Management in particular to broaden my business acquirements and my individual experiences. I am currently in my seventh semester of my studies in Business Administration and Engineering (Dipl.-Ing.) at the University of Technology and I am scheduling my stay abroad for the 10th semester which is my last graduate semester, starting in january 2008. After an internship I am going to finalise my studies at the end of the 11th semester.

From an experience abroad I am expecting a challenge in professional and personal domains and I hope to improve my in-depht knowledge, my language ability and other crucial qualifications at a distinguished university in the culturally and historically very interesting capital city of Oslo. Getting a new perspective on my life from a foreign european country is one of my major intents.
I finished my undergraduate studies very successfully in the fifth semester, whereupon I was furthermore permited to attend some graduate courses.
In my graduate courses I focussed technically on automobile engineering and logistics, economically on infrastructure and in business on finance / investment and strategic management, whereupon my performance was above average. Because my semester abroad is going to be my last one, I will bring along plenty of knowledge, what keeps determined and prosperous studies at BI Norwegian School of Management in good stead.
Among my studies I am working at the ***, an economic teaching and research unit in the School of Economics & Management at Berlin University of Technology as a project assistant. This is were I also wrote my “Studienarbeitwhich deals with an economic topic concerning comparisons between “Public-Private-Partnerships” and the traditional procurement approac h. In the framework of the project work at the ***, where I am assigned basically technical work, my skills to work arduous, motivated and my ability to work under hard pressure have received very positive apprasials. Due to a project lasting until December 2007, it is regrettably not possible for me to spend a whole academic year abroad. After my degree I am planning a career in the field of management with a bias towards automotive industry, whereas am not commited yet. Work placements and other practical experiences as well as my work at the *** should encourage my decision making.

I choose the country of Norway as my desired destination abroad, because I have been fascinated by this country for a long time. With an unique history and its inimitable residents and the terrific nature, Norway provides a multitude of well worth knowing and unique peculiarities. Because the language of instruction is going to be English and this language accompanied my until my “Abitur” in an specialised course, I discern no problems in communication during and besides the studies. Thereby I think it will be feasible to settle in the norwegian society and to experience the culture and people. During three long journeys, I had the chance to discover – even if from a perspective of an vacationist – the interesting and enriching sides of Norway and its citizens.

The BI Norwegian School of Management provides an opportunity for me to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad. The BI as the largest business school in Europe is a worldwide known and reputable, international orientated school and it would be an ideal supplement to my attended studies with the courses (predominantly in strategic management) I selected from the wide range of course options. The consequent demand to educate for an successful career accomodates me very much. The courses offered fit very well with my hitherto existing studies, my interests and my abilities because teamwork, ??? and ??? looms large. Studies at the BI Norwegian School of Management would furthermore, due to the internationality of the school, provide an insight into nationalities and cultures throughout the world. This would open up new and diverse perspectives and it would broaden my horizon with supposably grandiose experiences.

I hope with this letter I revealed my impetus and my desire to spend one semester in an amazing country at an unique school of management. I feel confident that my qualifications are more than sufficient and that I am able to meet the postulated and the forthcoming demands.

I am looking forward to a potential semester at the BI Norwegian School of Management and I hope I managed to convince you of my personage and my request. Hopefully you get down toa positive appraisal of my application.

Thank you very much for your efforts.

Yours faithfully
Thank you very much so far!