Hi guys, I am practicing IELTS Writing Task 1. Could you kindly comment on this piece of my writing. Thank you so much.



The line graph provides the percentages of homes in the United Kingdom having access to four items of modern technologies in the period 1994/95 to 2008.

Overall, only the number of houses owing CD player showed a slight drop while the other groups were on the rise. Moreover, throughout the period, houses with DVD players registered the highest position among all four figures examined.

In detail, the proportion of the UK houses’ accessibility to the CD player stood at around over 40 percent. This figure rose gradually over time, reaching around 90 percent in 2004/05 before declining at the end of the period.

Conversely, there was a significant rise in the usage of the other three items in the UK’s households. The number of homes with Mobile phones quadrupled from about 20 percent in 1996/97 to nearly 80 percent in 2008. The rate of households with the DVD player likewise went up almost fivefold, from about 15 percent to 75 percent. A similar trend was seen in the proportion of homes with DVD players, which rose steeply over the last 6 months and reached a peak in 2008.

Hi guys, It is Galvin. I am sorry that I was off for last two weeks. I will try to upload more practice regularly in the future. Would you guys kindly give me comment on this exercise? Much appreciated.

Task 1


The line graph provides the percentages of homes in the United Kingdom having access to four items of modern technologies in the period 1994/95 to 2008.

Overall, only the number of houses owing CD player showed a slight drop while the other groups were on the rise. Moreover, throughout the period, houses with DVD players registered the highest position among all four figures examined.

In detail, the proportion of the UK houses’ accessibility to the CD player stood at around over 40 percent. This figure rose gradually over time, reaching around 90 percent in 2004/05 before declining at the end of the period.

Conversely, there was a significant rise in the usage of the other three items in the UK’s households. The number of homes with Mobile phones quadrupled from about 20 percent in 1996/97 to nearly 80 percent in 2008. The rate of households with the DVD player likewise went up almost fivefold, from about 15 percent to 75 percent. A similar trend was seen in the proportion of homes with DVD players, which rose steeply over the last 6 months and reached a peak in 2008.

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The line graph compares / plots / shows provides the percentages of homes in the United Kingdom having access to each of four items of modern technologies in the period 1994/95 to 2008. These four are: a CD player, a DV player, a mobile phone and internet.

(For good coherence and cohesion, tell the reader what these four items are before you start giving the details. Otherwise, the reader is confused.)

Overall, only the number (wrong word. A number would be a count, e.g. 23,954,711) of houses owing CD player showed a slight drop while the other groups were on the rise. Moreover, throughout the period, houses with DVD players registered had the highest level position among all four. (The reader is confused here. You have named two items - CD and DVD - but what are the other two?) figures examined. (Four figures is incorrect, it would be four items. Examined is not native English. Strike the phrase.)

In detail, the proportion of the UK homes with a houses’ accessibility to the CD player stood at around over (wrong phrase) 40 percent. This figure (Delete. The pronoun "This" is fine. ) rose gradually over time, reaching around 90 percent in 2004/05 before declining at the end of the period. (Do not start a new paragraph. You are still writing the "detail" topic.)

Conversely, there was a significant rise in the ownership usage of the other three items (What are they? You still have not named all four!) in the UK’s households. (You do not need to keep repeating this. It is described in the first paragraph.) The number (wrong word) of homes with Mobile phones quadrupled from about 20 percent in 1996/97 to nearly 80 percent in 2008. The rate (wrong word, There are no rates plotted. Read my advice) of households with a the DVD player likewise went up almost fivefold, from about 15 percent to 75 percent. A similar trend was seen in the proportion of homes with DVD players, (repeated) which rose steeply over the last 6 months and reached a peak (wrong word, There is no peak in 2008. There is one broad peak on the graph - it is between 2004-2006 for CD players. Read my advice) in 2008.


Please read my advice.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

Thank you so much for your comment, Aphecca. I will take a note on your comments. And if you don't mind, would I ask you for a sample essay? Thank you so much.

The line graph plots the percentage of households in the UK that had the following items: a CD player, a mobile phone, Internet service or a DVD player between the years 1994 and 2008.

Overall, the presence of these modern inventions in UK homes increased steadily over the period. Many had a CD player in 1994, whereas none had either a cell phone, internet access, or a DVD player; these first appeared in 1996, 1998 and 2002, respectively. In 2008, the majority of homes had all four.

In detail, CD players were quite common throughout the time span. In 1994, nearly half had one and that rose to about 85% in 2008. Mobile phone ownership more than quadrupled from 18% in 1996 to nearly 80% in 2004, when its curve flattened. Internet access, starting in 1998 in a tenth of the homes, was the least common, except when DVD players became available in 2002. Then about 45% had internet access compared to 30% with DVD players. However, they overtook internet access in about a year, and ending in first place in 2008 at nearly nine in ten.

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Thank you so much for your writing sample and advices, AlphaeccaStars. It is really helpful. However, I have some questions:

1. The line graph provides the percentages of homes in the United Kingdom having access to four items of modern technologies in the period 1994/95 to 2008 -> Beside using compares/plots/shows, could I use "The line graph highlights the trends in the percentages of homes in the UK.?

2. Moreover, throughout the period, houses with DVD players registered had the highest level position among all four. (The reader is confused here. You have named two items - CD and DVD - but what are the other two?) figures examined. (Four figures is incorrect, it would be four items. Examined is not native English. Strike the phrase.) --> Instead of using had the highest level, could I use recorded the highest level?

3. Mobile phone ownership more than quadrupled from 18% in 1996 to nearly 80% in 2004, when its curve flattened. (This one I took from your example). Is that should be had more than quadrupled? (I mean you missed the word "had", right?

4. Internet access, starting in 1998 in a tenth of the homes, was the least common, except when DVD players became available in 2002. (I don't understand this grammar point of yours, what do you mean in a tenth)


Warm regards,

Galvin Emotion: smile)

Crokcodi1. The line graph provides the percentages of homes in the United Kingdom having access to four items of modern technologies in the period 1994/95 to 2008 -> Beside using compares/plots/shows, could I use "The line graph highlights the trends in the percentages of homes in the UK.?

If you were writing an essay for a history class titled: "Technology at the Turn of the 21th Century", it would be good. You would then describe the changes in housing interior decoration, leisure time activities, the size of flat screen TVs, and the spread of the internet. It would be a good essay for a history class.

If you were writing for a math or science professor and the topic was "Describe the information in this graph", then no.

CrokcodiIs that should be had more than quadrupled? (I mean you missed the word "had", right?

No. Either the simple past or the past perfect is good.

Crokcodiwhat do you mean in a tenth

A tenth is "one in ten" or 1/10, or "10 in 100", or 10%.

Percentages can be expressed as fractions.