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Hello teacher. I had written this essay, please help me to check and correct it. Thank you so much.

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Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by
their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in
the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own
opinion.

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“Should school children whether be given homework or not?”. This is a tough question which ignites a public debate at present. We can obviously notice that some strong arguments deem homework to be an unnecessary part in children life, but some opinions are encouraging the reverse statement. They believe that it is an essential aspect of education. In my perspective, I always think that everything has advantages and disadvantages.

Approaching to the first statement, there are several reasons supporting that homework is a burden to students. Firstly, they consider that school-time is absolutely long. It means children have studied hard during that certain time and leisure time is an essential part for them. Secondly, due to mental development in human’s brains, leading figures from this field propose that the balance between studying or working and relaxing be crucial. Furthermore, people around the world suppose Finland students should be exemplars. In this country, setting homework is not the norm. However, they outperform other nations and have a high rank in the international academic contest. Finally, it is recognized that playtime is just as beneficial as study time from the perspective of brain development.

In spite of the above arguments, I have an agreement to giving children homework. In my viewpoint, homework plays a crucial role in the schooling of children because of a great many reasons. To begin with the most important one, homework helps children to be able to solve problems by themselves, then children can form a lot of positive habits such as industry, independence and responsibility. Students, in addition, can work through tasks alone at their own pace then improve their skills day by day. Nevertheless, children have opportunities to apply the knowledge which they obtained in classes. In order to do that, they must review and comprehend the concepts, the theories, the equations or its application in reality. That’s why it is important for children to have homework.

In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but I still believe that not only in terms of teachers and parents but also in terms of students will have a proper way to balance study and relaxation.

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Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by
their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in
the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own
opinion.

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“Should school children whether be given homework or not?”. (That is a good start for an essay. "whether" is not correct, and do not put two punctuation marks at the end. One is enough.) This is a tough question which ignites a public debate at present. (I don't think this is true. I have never heard anyone argue about this. Don't write things that are not true in your essay. Just recognize the two different viewpoints.) We can obviously notice that some strong arguments assert that deem homework is to be an unnecessary part in children (wrong form) life, but others equally strongly assert the opposite. some opinions are encouraging the reverse statement. They (who?) believe that it is an essential aspect of education. In my perspective, I always think that everything has advantages and disadvantages. (You did not answer the question: What is your opinion about this? You will lose points if you do not answer the topic question. )

Approaching to the first statement, (That is not natural English. Which side of the argument are you going to talk about? e.g. "According to those who oppose homework, ...") there are several reasons supporting that homework is a burden to students. Firstly, First, they consider that school-time the school day is too absolutely long. It means children have studied hard during that certain time and leisure time is an essential part for them. Secondly, Second, due to mental development in human’s brains, (That is not good English. "Mental" means the brain. ) leading figures from this field (which field are you talking about?) propose that the balance between studying or working and relaxing be (wrong form) crucial. Furthermore, people around the world (Which people?) suppose Finland students should be exemplars. In this country, setting homework is not the norm. However, they outperform other nations and have a high rank in the international academic contests. Finally, it is recognized that playtime is just as beneficial as study time from the perspective of brain development.

In spite of the above arguments, I have an agreement (This is not natural. "... I disagree, and believe that children should be given homework.") to giving children homework. In my viewpoint, homework plays a crucial role in the schooling of children because of a great many reasons. To begin with, the most important one is that homework helps children to be able to solve problems by themselves. With problem-solving skills, then children can form a lot of positive habits such as industry, independence and responsibility. Students, in addition, can work through tasks alone at their own pace then improve their skills day by day. Nevertheless, (incorrect transition. Furthermore, Moreover,) children have opportunities to apply the knowledge which they obtained in classes. In order to do that, they must review and comprehend the concepts, the theories, the equations or its application in reality. That’s (Do not use contractions in a formal essay. "That is") why it is important for children to have homework.

In conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but I still believe that not only in terms of teachers and parents but also in terms of students will have a proper way to balance study and relaxation. (Your conclusion does not support your opinion. You will get a lower score for this. The first paragraph must state your opinion. The next paragraph is good as it gives the opposing arguments. The third paragraph is good as it supports your arguments. The last paragraph is not good. You need to confirm your opinion in the last paragraph.)