Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?


Most of the processed food and beverages have a greater amount of sugar added to them which could result in severe health issues in the consumers. Though, many are of the opinion that hiking the price of such products would reduce the consumption of sugar, I strongly disagree with it and the reasons will be elucidated in the impending paragraphs.


The industries which produce those items must be regulated adequately, not to add sweeteners beyond a limited level. If regulations are implemented properly, it would not only lead to production of quality food, but also make the items available to common man at an affordable price. Besides, the companies will be forced not to adulterate the food for mere profits by risking the life of people. For instance, there are many companies which were sealed up for production of poor quality foods. Thus, it is evident that proper regulations will help reduce the addition of unhealthy sweeteners to food and beverages.


Probing further, developing a healthier lifestyle is the base of good health, as it is not only the consumption of these products that result in an individual's health deterioration. To exemplify, the common food items like rice and bread are rich sources of carbohydrates, which is in turn adding sugar to the blood. Furthermore, most of the people in the modern world are subjected to disease conditions which are an outcome of sedentary life. Hence, it is apparent that why many are against it.


From what have been discussed above, one can conclude that, it is only through proper control by concerned authorities and a lifestyle change by the individual itself, diseases due to consumption of sugar can be alleviated.


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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic: Copy the essay instructions accurately here.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?


My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Most of the processed foods (Usually food is non-count. In this case, it means types of food, so is used in plural form.) and beverages have extra a greater amount of sugar (When you use the comparative form "greater", there must be something to compare to.) added to them which could result in severe health issues in the consumers. Though, many are of the opinion that hiking the price of such products would reduce the consumption of sugar, I strongly disagree with it. (You do not need to explain that the body paragraphs will have your arguments. That is the assumed format of an essay. ) and the reasons will be elucidated in the impending paragraphs. (Impending is mildly threatening, It is wrongly used.)

(You are missing a transition. Cohesion is not good. You need to have some phrase relating to the first paragraph. Here is an example.)

Instead of raising the prices on sugary foods,

The industries which produce those items must be regulated adequately, not to add sweeteners (Sweeteners are artificial chemicals which have the sweetness of natural sugars. The topic is not about aspertame or saccharin.) beyond a certain limited level. If regulations are implemented properly, it would not only lead to production of quality food, but also make the items available to common man (Misused phrase. ) at an affordable price. Besides, the companies will be forced not to adulterate (Misused word. Adulterate is to corrupt or debase. The sugar is not added for that purpose.) the food for mere profits (This is somewhat off topic. If people drink a coke once in a while, it has no harmful effects. Sugar is not poisonous.) by risking the lives life of people. For instance, there are many companies which were sealed up (Misused phrase. ) for production of poor quality foods. Thus, it is evident that proper regulations will help reduce the addition of unhealthy sweeteners (off-topic. It is about natural sugars such as high-fructose corn syrup.) to food and beverages.


Probing further, (Not a good transition. This means that you will give more detail about regulating the food and beverage industry. You changed the topic completely.) developing a healthier lifestyle is the base of good health, as it is not only the consumption of these products that result in an individual's health deterioration. To exemplify, the common food items like rice and bread are rich sources of carbohydrates, which is in turn adding sugar to the blood. Furthermore, most of the people in the modern world are subjected to disease conditions which are an outcome of sedentary life. (You have gone off-topic in this paragraph. It does not relate to sugary foods and higher taxes on them.) Hence, it is apparent that why many are against it.

From what have been discussed above, (Do not mention your writing. ) one can conclude that, In conclusion, it is only through proper control by concerned authorities and a lifestyle change by the individual itself, diseases due to consumption of sugar can be alleviated.


Generally, your essay is off-target.
Focus specifically on the main issue: increasing prices of unhealthy foods to decrease their consumption.

Also, you need to practice good transition phrases and expressions for better coherence and cohesion.
Some of the vocabulary words are not used naturally.