Please check my essay. I think that it has many problems. I just kept repeating the words and messed up the grammar structure. It is my pleasure if you check for me. Thank you so much.


Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar academic abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities.



While some people think that children had better learn in classes with children of similar academic abilities, others say that their children learn better when they are placed in classes with children having a different range of academic abilities. In my views, I believe that it is much better to take children going to the classes with children of the same academic abilities.

Some parents want their children taking part in a class with classmates of similar talent or skills. According to this point of view, students have no worries at all about competing with others or not keep up with others. It can be seen that nowadays students are stress and anxious because of their friends who are thought that to be more intelligent and skillful. So, if children are placed in classes with similar academic abilities, teachers can know their capacities and teach with a suitable speed and levels.

Other people, on the other hand, want their children learn in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. A while classes with the same children's abilities require school assessing the students carefully to put them to suitable classes, others does not. This means it is easier for school to enroll students. Another reason is that when children have a diverse range of abilities, they may help each other and try to be better by themselves.

In my opinion, it is better to learn in classes with classmates representing the same range of abilities. For one thing, it is both easier for school and children to learn. For example, teachers does not need pay full attention to each student that they are concentrate or not. And students also do not worried about studying is backward.

In short, it is possible to learn in classes with children representing diverse abilities. However, to reduce stress for teachers and students, it is better to learn with classmates having the same abilities. /data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_200404_005914_977.sdoc->

Your essay instructions are incomplete. Is the prompt "To what extent do you agree?" or "Compare both positions and give your opinion" or something else?

Also you wrote about 320 words. The minimum is 250, and the ideal length is around 260-280. You can avoid repeating yourself by writing fewer words!

Practice "eyeballing" your essay for the word count.


While some people think that children had better learn ( That is not the verb phrase you want. It is used as a threat!

Mother to son: You had better finish your homework before father gets home from work. He will be very angry if you do not have it ready for him to check.

)

in classes with children of similar academic abilities, others say that their children learn better when they are placed in classes with children having a different range of academic abilities. In my view views, I believe that it is much better for to take children going to be placed in the classes with other children of the same academic abilities.

Some parents want their children taking part in a class with classmates of similar talent or skills. According to this point of view, In that situation, students have no worries at all about competing with others or not keeping up with others. It can be seen that nowadays students are stress (Stress is a noun. You are saying that students and stress are the same thing, which of course, like saying that students are the same as traffic jams. You can say "under a lot of stress".) or use adjectives worried, tense, nervous, perturbed, distressed or overly concerned. ) and anxious because of their friends who are thought that to be more intelligent and skillful. So, if children are placed in classes with similar academic abilities, teachers, knowing can know their capacities, can and teach with a suitable speed pace and levels.


Example:

Some parents want their children taking part in a class with classmates of similar talent or skills. In a class of equals, students have no worries at all about competing with others or not keeping up. In a mixed class, the students who are not as gifted will be under stress and show signs of anxiety, tension and mental turmoil as they are compared with or struggle to perform as well as their more intelligent friends. So, if children have similar levels of maturity, intellect and abilities, teachers, knowing the capability of the average student, can adapt teaching techniques, materials and pace of presentation and effectively reach every student.

Other points:

The brightest students will be restless and bored, too, because the teacher has to slow the pace of instruction to fit the abilities of the less able students. The teacher cannot both challenge the bright students and instruct the less capable ones.



Other people, on the other hand, want their children learn in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. A while classes (That does not make sense) with the same children's abilities require school assessing the students carefully to put them in to suitable classes, others does (wrong form) not. This means it is easier for the school to enroll students. Another reason is that when children have a diverse range of abilities, they may help each other and try to be better by themselves.

In my opinion, it is better to be learn in classes with classmates representing the same range of abilities. For one thing, it is both easier for school and children to learn. (What does school learn?) For example, teachers does not need pay full attention to each student that they are concentrate (wrong form.) or not. And students also do (wrong word) not worried about studying is backward.
(Ungrammatical)


In short, it is possible to learn in classes with children of representing diverse abilities. However, to reduce stress for teachers and students, it is better to learn with classmates having the same abilities.

Thank you so much for your advice. I am really apreciative, because you gave the exactly point which I didn't know how to express. Here is my revise, please read it again if you have time.


While some people think that children should learn in classes with children of similar academic abilities, others say that their children learn better when they are placed in classes with children having a different range of academic abilities. In my view, I believe that it is much better for children to be placed in classes with other children of the same academic abilities.

Some parents want their children taking part in a class with classmates of similar talent or skills. In a class of equal, students have no worries at all about competing with others or not keeping up. In a mixed class, the students who are not as a gifted will be under stress and show signs of anxiety, tension and mental turmoil as they are compared with struggle to perform as well astheir more intelligent friends. So, if children have similar levels of maturity, intellect and abilities, teachers, knowing the capability of the average student, can adapt teaching techniques, materials and pace of presentation and effectively reach every student. The brightest students will be restless and bored, too, because the teachers has to slow the pace of instruction to fit the abilities of the less able students. The teacher cannot both challenge the bright students and instruct the less capable ones.

Other people, on the other hand, want their children learn in classes with children representing a diverse range of intellectual abilities. While classes with the same children' abilities require school assessing the students carefully to put them in suitable classes, others do not. This means it is easier the school to enroll stidents. Another reason is that when children have a diverse range of abilities, they may help each other and try to be better by themselves.

In my opinion, children should be in classes with classmates having the same levels. So, they can show their best without afraid of being less intelligent than others.

In short, it is possible to learn in classes with children of diverse abilities. However, to reduce stress for teachers and students, it is better to have classmates presenting the same abilities./data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_200408_003242_650.sdoc->

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Here is the complete instruction:

Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar academic abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.


Please check my revise above. Thank you in advance.

BTS is legendPlease check my revise above. Thank you in advance.

Revise is a verb. You need the noun: revision / revised version / edited version

While some people think that children should learn in classes with children of similar academic abilities, others say that their children learn (Avoid excessive repetition.) educational outcomes are better when they are placed in classes with children having a different range mix of academic abilities. In my view, I believe that it is much better for children to be placed in classes with other children of the same academic abilities.

Some parents want their children taking part in a class with classmates of similar characteristics talent or skills. In a class of equals, students have no worries at all about competing with others or not keeping up. In a mixed class, the students who are not as a gifted will be under stress and show signs of anxiety, tension and mental turmoil as they are compared with struggle (You are missing something. Compare struggles" does not make sense) to perform as well astheir more intelligent friends. So, if children have similar levels of maturity, intellect and abilities, teachers, knowing the capability of the average student, can adapt teaching techniques, materials and pace of presentation and effectively reach every student. The brightest students will be restless and bored, too, because the teachers has to slow the pace of instruction to fit the abilities of the less able students. The teacher cannot both challenge the bright students and instruct the less capable ones.
These sentences are not in the right logical order.


Other people, on the other hand, want their children learn in classes with children representing a diverse range of intellectual abilities. While classes with the same children' abilities (ungrammatical) require school assessing (ungrammatical) the students carefully to put them in suitable classes, others do not. (That does not make sense. Schools that separate children according to their ability have to assess them before the school year begins.. Other schools that place children only by their age group, to not have to perform such evaluations.) This means it is easier the school (You are missing something. ) to enroll stidents. Another reason is that when children have a diverse range of abilities, they may help each other and try to be better by themselves.

In my opinion, children should be in classes with classmates having the same levels. So, they can show their best without afraid of being less intelligent than others.

In short, it is possible to learn in classes with children of diverse abilities. However, to reduce stress for teachers and students, it is better to have classmates presenting the same abilities.(Writing two concluding paragraphs is not good. You should have only one.)

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Thank you very much.

I was quite confused because the instuction said that I had to give my opinion. So I should give my opinion in the conclusion instead of in the separate paragraph?

BTS is legendI was quite confused because the instuction said that I had to give my opinion. So I should give my opinion in the conclusion instead of in the separate paragraph?

Yes, I can see that you are confused. You should state your opinion in the first paragraph. This is your thesis statement. You repeat your opinion in the conclusion. The body paragraphs all work together to support your opinion. That way, the essay is not disjointed, but a seamless flow of ideas that support your thesis statement. And so, after reading your essay, the examiner should have absolutely no question or doubt about what your opinion is.


Here is the outline of an opinion essay of 4 paragraphs:

Paragraph 1. Give a background sentence. Paraphrase the topic question. State your opinion in a manner appropriate to the prompt. e.g.

1. To what extent do you agree?

I completely disagree that ...
I agree, but with reservations...

2. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although the majority of my countrymen would side with the second view, I am inclined to think that the first is a little better.


To what extent:

Paragraph 2: Give your first argument that supports your opinion.

Paragraph 3: Give your second argument that supports your opinion.


Discuss both views

Paragraph 2: Discuss the first view

Paragraph 3: Discuss the second view. If you agree with this one, give reasons for your support.



Summary Paragraph (paragraph 4)

Summarize the points you made in the body paragraphs. Reaffirm your opinion.