Please help me check my essay below. Thanks in advance.
Topic: whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:

It is argued that the luck is the key factor influencing successes instead of their hard work. I totally disagree with this opinion by following explanation.

There are several reason why I believe that people want to achieve a sense of satisfaction in career, they need to master vital soft skills, academic knowledge and be industrious people. For example, Steve Jobs makes significant contribution to establishing iPhone brand who spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to figure out the great Macintosh operating system. Another example is Nick Vujicic, although he is a disability without limbs in Australia, he became a well-known motivative speaker. Furthermore, he fulfills conditions to get a bachelor degree in both accountancy and financial planning, and now he is traveling around the world to inspire to youth generation.

Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I do not support the view that people should not depend on luck to achieve their aims in their life. Firstly, perhaps people can easily pass difficulties through luck such as supporting from friends, family, but they can not appear at all times. Students copy their friend's answers during the test disregarding the concentration in study and they will fail when their teacher detect. Secondly, if people rely on luck throughout their life, they will almost certainly be disappointed. For instance, people can win a lottery in an occasion who is definitely luck since winning the lottery does not require them to do anything. Moreover, they cannot win the lottery in whole life.

In conclusion, for the reason mentioned above, i firmly hold the opinion that only when people actually obtain experience and knowledge, they progress rapidly in their career with the little need of luck.

ÁNH TRẦN NGỌCPlease help me by checking my essay below.

Please help me check = together you and I will review the essay.

Please help me by checking = I will check your essay. That will help you.

I have highlighted the text with mistakes. The most common mistakes you make are: 1) comma splice errors, 2) missing articles, 3) wrong singular/plural noun forms, 4) wrong vocabulary words and 5) spelling errors.

Your second paragraph is off-topic. It does not mention "luck" at all, and that is the main topic.
Your third paragraph does not support your thesis. It says the opposite view. You say that people have to have luck to be successful.


Topic: Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:

It is argued that the luck is the key factor influencing successes instead of their (No antecedent. Use a pronoun only when there is a clear referent.). hard work. I totally disagree with this opinion by following explanation. (Never refer to your essay or paragraphs in your thesis statement.)

There are several reason (wrong form) why I believe that people want to achieve a sense of satisfaction (That is not the topic. It may be true, but that is not what you are asked to write about.) in (missing word) career, (comma splice error) they need to master vital soft skills, (missing word) academic knowledge and be industrious people. For example, Steve Jobs makes (wrong form) (missing word) significant contribution to establishing (missing word) iPhone brand who (Brands are not able to write computer code.) spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to figure out (wrong word) the great Macintosh operating system. Another example is Nick Vujicic, (comma splice error) although he is a disability (wrong word) without limbs in Australia, he became a well-known motivative (wrong word) speaker. Furthermore, he fulfills (wrong form) (missing word) conditions to get a bachelor degree in both accountancy and financial planning, and now he is traveling around the world to inspire to (wrong word) youth generation. (wrong phrase)

Apart from the practical concerns (What concerns?) expressed above, I do not support the view that people should not depend on luck to achieve their aims in their life. (So you believe that people should rely on luck. They cannot achieve success if they are not lucky.) Firstly, First, (Use first, second, third, and fourth for enumerations. ) perhaps people can easily pass difficulties through luck such as supporting (wrong word) from friends, (missing word) family, but they can not appear (wrong word) at all times. Students copy their friend's answers during the test disregarding the concentration (wrong word) in study and they will fail when their teacher detect (missing word) . Second, if people rely on luck throughout their life, they will almost certainly be disappointed. For instance, people can win a lottery in an occasion who is definitely luck (wrong phrasing) since winning the lottery does not require them to do anything. Moreover, they cannot win the lottery in (wrong word) whole life.

In conclusion, for the reason mentioned above, i ("i" is the 9th letter of the alphabet. Letters do not have opinions. ) firmly hold the opinion that only when people actually obtain experience and knowledge, can they progress rapidly in their career with the little need of luck.

Thank you so much.