Hi everyone, this week I also write another essay. It's a bit intricate for me but I still want to receive your honest feedback.

Have a nice day, thanks a lot!


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, since we live in the age of social media and cyber surveillance, it is not very hard to grasp the information of other, especially the celebrities whose names are always on the pages of newspapers or on TV coverage. Nevertheless, famous entertainers and athletes are believed to have a right to keep their privacy rather than now. I completely agree with this statement.

To begin with, celebrities need privacy so as to lead a healthy lifestyle. It is common sense when we, normal people see famous ones such as actresses, singers and athletics featuring on television or in many public events, to name but a few. Yet, we should know that it is only their duty to appear in front of many people. Similar to us, they also need to spend their private time doing daily activities with their loved ones. Imagining that when all of our private information was frequently published on the media from the small matter such as the food we eat within a day to the bigger ones such as our monthly income, we would no longer find peace in our lives. This could be intolerable for us but unfortunately, this is always what famous people have to go through every day. What is worse, their information could be leaked and distorted by the media in a more vigorous way to attract public attention. Celebrities, as a result, will not only lose their privacy but also get more depressions.

Besides, leaping into the private lives of celebrities would damage political correctness. This usually happens among the young generation, who have overly dedication to the celebrities and of course their personal lives. For example, I remember that a few days ago, I had a chance to watch a video about conducting a survey in an American’s university. In that video, many university students were unable to answer few questions about the American government- but passionately aced many questions about some celebrities and their private lives. As a matter of fact, the invasion of celebrities lives can weaken the political knowledge of individuals. If this continues to be the case, the political issues can be perceived as juicy gossips sooner or later.

To sum up, I agree that it is unacceptable for everyone to invade the privacy of celebrities or athletes for that matter. Although their duty is contributing their performance open to the public, they are entitled to their privacy like any other normal one than now not only for their healthy lifestyle but also for the maintenance of citizens’ political awareness.

You wrote 425 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores.

And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write around 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

Actually, teacher, I am practicing for the TOEFL test and in the task 2 they ask me to write at least 300 words for that task. However, I understand your point. It’s true that we normally make many mistakes when we write a lot without really controlling the whole part. So all in all, it’s would be better to write a Task 2 essay from 300-400 words, I suppose.
By the way, thanks for your response, it should be helpful for the next essay of mine.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

Nowadays, (Redundant. You use the present tense verb. You do not need an adverb time phrase.) since we live in the age of social media and cyber surveillance, it is not very hard to grasp the information of other, (That makes no sense.) especially the celebrities whose names are always on the pages of newspapers or on TV coverage. Nevertheless, famous entertainers and athletes are believed to have a right to keep their privacy rather than now. (That is incorrect.) I completely agree with this statement.


Not a good opening. It skirts the main task topic, which is the newspaper / TV intense coverage of celebrities.

"Social media" and "cyber surveillance" are not relevant. Here is an example paragraph:

The names, photos and details of the personal activities of the top celebrities are always on the front pages of newspapers or featured on TV coverage. Nevertheless, some believe that they have a right to privacy, and their personal lives should not always be in the limelight. I completely agree with this statement.



To begin with, celebrities need privacy so as to lead a healthy lifestyle. It is common sense when we, normal people see famous ones such as actresses, singers and athletics featuring on television or in many public events, to name but a few. (That does not follow logically. I do not understand your point.) Yet, we should know that it is only their duty (I do not understand this. The only duty of an athlete is to play their sport well. The only duty of an actor is to perform well in films. They may decide to give interviews, but it is not their duty to do that.) to appear in front of many people. Similar to us, they also need to spend their private time doing daily activities with their loved ones. Imagining (wrong verb form) that when all of our private information was frequently published on the media from the small matter such as the food we eat within a day to the bigger ones such as our monthly income, we would no longer find peace in our lives. (The sentence is not good English. "Imagine if all our private information were published in the media, including what we ate for breakfast and what we bought on a shopping trip.) This could be intolerable for us but unfortunately, this is always what famous people have to go through every day. What is worse, their information is sensationalized and could be leaked and distorted by the media in a more vigorous way to attract public attention. Celebrities, as a result, will not only lose their privacy but also suffer from anxiety and depression. get more depressions. (wrong form)

Besides, leaping prying into the private lives of celebrities would damage political correctness. (That does not make sense. "Political correctness" means that what you express out loud does not show discrimination against minorities.) This usually happens among the young generation, who have an inordinate interest in overly dedication to the celebrities and of course their personal lives. For example, I remember that a few days ago, I had a chance to watch a video about conducting showing a survey being conducted in an American’s (wrong form) university. In that video, many university students were unable to answer a few questions about the American government- but passionately aced many questions they knew all the details about some celebrities and their private lives. As a matter of fact, the invasion of celebrities lives can weaken the academic knowledge political knowledge of individuals. That is because they spend all their time following and gossiping about their favorite stars on social media rather than doing their coursework. If this continues to be the case, the political issues can be perceived as juicy gossips sooner or later. (That makes no sense)

To sum up, I agree that it is unacceptable for everyone (Actually, it is the paparazzies that stalk the celebrities with long-lens cameras, and then sell the sensational images and stories to the yellow press.) to invade the privacy of celebrities or athletes for that matter. Although their duty is contributing their performance open to the public, they are entitled to their privacy like any other normal people one than now not only for their sense of safety and security healthy lifestyle but also to allow citizens to focus on more important issues. for the maintenance of citizens’ political awareness.

Lan Le TOEFL test

Most students post here for the IELTS test. You should have mentioned that it is for TOEFL. There is less concern on the word limits for TOEFL.

Yes, I will be careful the next time.
About the political correctness, to be honest, this is the idea that I have when reading an online article about privacy. But I should have identified that it is not really what I want to express.
In this essay, it seems that there are still many errors about the ideas, kinda sad about that Emotion: sad

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?