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The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates how many students coming from Iran, Greece and Turkey enrolled at Sheffield University for a 5- years period from 2005 to 2009. Overall, while Iranian and Turkish enrollments shared the same trends of increasing, Greek enrollments saw a dramatic fall and lost its first rank in 2009.

In 2005, the number of students from Iran stood at 40 students. The figure then gradually grew to little more than 80 students in 2008. In 2009, it soared and reached its peak at 160 students, which is as four-fold as itself in the beginning. Similarly, Turkish enrollments was only 20 students. The number rose significantly to about 90 in 2007 followed by a gradual increase of 30 students in 2009. In the first year, the number of Iranian students held the first position with nearly 100 students. But, there was a sharp decrease of more than 100 students in 2007. In 2008, it remained the same before it continued to fell to roughly 40 students in 2009.

(169 words)

The (What kind of graph?) graph illustrates (wrong word. What is plotted on the graph?) how many students coming from Iran, Greece and Turkey enrolled at Sheffield University for (wrong word. He enrolled for five years - means the students who intended to study there five years.) ) a 5- years (wrong form) period from 2005 to 2009. Overall, while Iranian and Turkish enrollments shared the same trends of increasing, Greek enrollments saw a dramatic fall and lost its first rank in 2009.

First rule of paragraphing:

A paragraph has one main point.

In Task 1, the first paragraph describes the figure or diagram.
Paragraph 2 gives the most significant observations.
Paragraph 3 gives some interesting details and comparisons.

Do not merge Paragraph 1 with Paragraph 2. It is bad form. It violates the rule of paragraphing.

Overall, while Iranian and Turkish enrollments shared the same trends of increasing, Greek enrollments saw (wrong word. Enrollments cannot see. They do not have eyes.) a dramatic fall and lost its first rank (Not a good phrase, There is no competition like a game here.) in 2009.

In 2005, the number of students from Iran stood at 40 students. The figure (wrong word. ) then gradually grew to little more than 80 students in 2008. In 2009, it soared (wrong word. ) and reached its peak (wrong word. ) at 160 students, which is as four-fold as itself (wrong expression) in the beginning. Similarly, Turkish enrollments was (wrong form. ) only 20 students. The number rose significantly to about 90 in 2007 followed by a gradual increase of 30 students in 2009. In the first year, the number of Iranian students held the first position with nearly 100 students. But, there was a sharp decrease of more than 100 students in 2007. In 2008, it remained the same before it continued to fell (wrong form. ) to roughly 40 students in 2009.

This is a poor essay. You can do much better.
You mainly describe each curve in words. Look at the instructions:

Summarise = do not write about every detail..

selecting = only write about interesting points.

make comparisons = be sure to pick out a lot of things to compare.

Read my advice to find out why the words you used were wrong.