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In an accelerating world these days, music certainly plays a crucial role in all our lives. Some people argue that the study of music in high school is a waste of valuable school time, while those who criticize the idea hold the view that musical training and study is an important part of education development. In this essay, I will take a closer look at both views of the issues followed by my opinion.


On the one hand, it is true that when it comes to the study and application of music, not everyone is suited. Some people are unable, for example, to sing in tune or play various instruments no matter how hard they try. For these people, learning music may be a waste of their time. Additionally, musical instruments are often very expensive and parents may not be able to afford them.


On the other hand, it is quite well–known that music can play an important part in the development of the human brain. When you listen to music, multiple areas of your brain become engaged and active, but when you play an instrument, that activity becomes more like a full-body brain workout. Therefore, when students learn music, they are improving their mental development. Besides, the learning of a musical instrument requires patience, determination, and consistency. There are certainly desirable traits for young high school students to develop. In fact, for some people, they may feel stressed or exhausted, but when they sing or play an instrument, they feel renewed and refreshed.


In conclusion, it seems that there are both advantages and disadvantages of studying music in high schools.

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You will get a band score of zero for this essay. Do you know why?



In an accelerating (wrong word) world these days, music certainly plays a crucial role in all our lives. Some people argue that the study of music in high school is a waste of valuable school time,(You need to paraphrase the topic, not copy it verbatim.) while those who criticize the idea hold the view that musical training and study is an important part of education development. In this essay, I will take a closer look at both views of the issues followed by my opinion.

(You will impress the examiner and get a much higher score with a well-crafted thesis statement, and not the "lazy" student "convenience" statement that you wrote.

Many English composition teachers will tell you not to mention your essay, or announce "I will write the solutions to this problem." in an academic essay. These sorts of statements are extremely weak and they do not give the reader any idea of what your answer is.

Here are example thesis statements for this essay:

1. I truly believe that music must be a mandatory part of the high school curriculum. Not only for improving the students' performance in academic subjects, but also for developing their communication skills.
2. Teenagers already spend inordinate amounts of time watching music videos and listing to their favorite pop stars, so I believe that music is not a useful addition to the school curriculum.

On the one hand, it is true that when it comes to the study and application of music, not everyone is suited. Some people are unable, for example, to sing in tune or play various instruments no matter how hard they try. For these people, learning music may be a waste of their time. Additionally, musical instruments are often very expensive and parents may not be able to afford them.

On the other hand, it is quite well–known that music can play an important part in the development of the human brain. When you listen to music, multiple areas of your brain become engaged and active, but when you play an instrument, that activity becomes more like a full-body brain workout. Therefore, when students learn music, they are improving their mental development. Besides, the learning of a musical instrument requires patience, determination, and consistency. There are certainly desirable traits for young high school students to develop. In fact, for some people, they may feel stressed or exhausted, but when they sing or play an instrument, they feel renewed and refreshed.


In conclusion, it seems that there are both advantages and disadvantages of studying music in high schools. (That is very bad. You did not answer the essay prompt. You did not give an opinion on the topic. There are advantages and disadvantages for every conceivable topic on the planet. That is not an opinion. Examiners give very low marks for this kind of non-answer. )

Comments  

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Some people think that students in high school should study music as a compulsory school subject. Others believe that such a requirement would be a waste of valuable school study time. Discuss both these views and give your own... Please give the complete essay instructions. Long prompts do not fit in the "Subject" line.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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