Hi everyone, long time no see, today I would like to write an essay about health.

Hope to receive your feedback. Thanks a bunch !!!

Some people say that it is better to promote healthy lifestyles than spend so much money to treat obese people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

These days, maintaining good health is vital in our society. It is said that it would be more effective to encourage healthy lifestyles rather than to waste money on treating obese people. I completely agree with this statement.

To begin with, promoting a healthy lifestyle should be more feasible as doing so would enable a larger number of people to pay attention to their health. For example, many national TV programs and shows can repeatedly feature some drastic effects of leading a sedentary lifestyle for workers and valuable healthcare advice given by top health experts to tackle these issues. This, ultimately, would capture the attention of multiple audiences, especially those who can have similar lifestyles so they can become more health-conscious. On the other hand, though treating obesity is also a necessity in society, squandering money on this would not bring much change to the obese. This is because it normally would take time and effort to come up with special treatment for obese people. Even if the obese are cured with the most efficient medicines, they may still have to suffer from the post-effects of obesity that negatively affect their health afterwards. This can explain that promoting healthy lifestyle can increase public awareness about protecting their health.

Furthermore, when the government supports a healthy lifestyle, it can also help to save national budget and improve citizen's health. For example, the government can promote the benefits of having a nutritious diet and taking exercise regularly through various means of communication, which is quite cost-efficient. Besides, citizens, with the government’s grant, can also buy fresh produce at lower costs and have full access to sport facilities. As such, citizens would be more inclined to take exercise and eat a balanced diet to improve their health while the government still save up the national budget. On the contrary, if the government invest much money in carrying out such measures for the obese people, they would not achieve positive outcomes as many obese people already get used to their inactive lifestyle and also find it hard to follow a strict regime to get rid of their current conditions.

To sum up, I strongly believe that it would be better to encourage a healthy lifestyle than spend an excessive amount of money to cure obese people. This is because doing so would motivate many citizens to care for their health. Also, thanks to the governmental promotion of a healthy lifestyle, citizens can be able to maintain good health and the goverment can save the national budget.

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These days, maintaining good health is vital in our society. It is said often argued that it would be more effective to encourage healthy lifestyles rather than to waste money on treating obese people. I completely agree with this statement.

To begin with, promoting a healthy lifestyle should be more feasible as doing so would enables a larger number of people to pay better attention to their health. For example, many national TV programs and shows can repeatedly feature some of the drastic effects of leading a sedentary lifestyle for workers and provide valuable healthcare advice given by top health experts to tackle these issues. This, ultimately, would capture the attention of multiple large audiences, especially those who can do have similar such lifestyles, so they can become more health-conscious. On the other hand, though treating obesity is also sometimes necessary, it is not the ideal solution. a necessity in society, squandering money on this would not bring much change to the obese. This is because it is normally much more expensive than preventative programs, and people who suffer from obesity-related illnesses often require life-long medical treatment. would take time and effort to come up with special treatment for obese people. Even if the obese are cured with the most efficient medicines, they may still have to suffer from the post-effects of obesity that negatively affect their health afterwards. This can explain that promoting healthy lifestyle can increase public awareness about protecting their health.

Furthermore, when the government supports a healthy lifestyle, it can also help to that not only helps reduce save national health budgets and improve citizen's citizens’ health, but it also means fewer workdays are lost. For example, the government can promote the benefits of having a nutritious diet and taking exercise regularly through various means of communication, which is quite cost-efficient. Besides, citizens, with the government’s grant, can also buy it can subsidize fresh produce at lower costs and have full access to sport facilities . As such, to encourage citizens would be more inclined to take exercise and eat a balanced diet to improve their health. while the government still save up the national budget. On the contrary, if the government invest much money in carrying out such measures for the obese people, they would not achieve positive outcomes as many obese people already get used to their inactive lifestyle and also find it hard to follow a strict regime to get rid of their current conditions. [ That is just regurgitating the same idea and is not persuasive! You should give examples instead.]

To sum up, I strongly believe that it would be better to encourage a healthy lifestyle than spend an excessive large amounts of money to cure treat obese people. This is because doing so would motivate many citizens to care for their health, and it also makes much better economic sense. Also, thanks to the governmental promotion of a healthy lifestyle, citizens can be able to maintain good health and the goverment can save the national budget.

Hi teacher, thanks for your detailed feedback. Honestly, whenever I write this essay, it seems that I still make common mistakes Emotion: sad

For the second paragraph, it is true that I repeated the ideas from the first one. So I would like to replace to another idea. Here is my corrected version of the second paragraph.

Furthermore, when the government supports a healthy lifestyle, that not only helps reduce health budgets and improve citizens’ health, but it also means fewer workdays are lost. For example, the government can allow full time employees to reduce their working hours and and spend their time exercising instead. Besides, it can subsidize fresh produce and promote full access to sport facilities to encourage citizens to take exercise and eat a balanced diet to improve their health. By contrast, investing money in treating obesity can be inefficient and indirectly link to mental breakdown to obese patients. For instance, in Vietnam, every year, the government spends much money to maintain many weight management services to help obese people but few of them can really work out well. In addition, some obese patients, despite being taken care with modern equipment and medicines granted by the government, would be at a higher risk of stress and anxiety due to the pain they suffer during their long-term treatment.

Hope this time it can be better.

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Lan LeHonestly, whenever I write this essay, it seems that I still make common mistakes

Don't worry. Practice makes perfect. Keep practising, and you'll improve. Remember:

1- Always design your essay before you write it. That means jot down your ideas on a piece of rough paper; filter and organize those ideas, and then start writing.

2- Always go over your work before submitting it. That helps you catch common mistakes and typos.

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Furthermore, when the government supports a healthy lifestyle, that not only helps reduce health budgets and improve citizens’ health, but it also means fewer workdays are lost. For example, the government can allow full-time employees to reduce their working hours and and encourage them to spend their leisure time exercising on healthy activities instead. Besides, it can subsidize fresh produce and promote full access to sport facilities to encourage citizens to take exercise and eat a balanced diet to improve their health. By contrast, investing money in treating obesity is not cost effective. can be inefficient and indirectly link to mental breakdown to obese patients. For instance, in Vietnam, every year, the government spends much money to maintain many on weight management services programs to help obese people, but the outcomes have been disappointing. few of them can really work out well. In addition, some obese patients, despite being taken care treated with modern equipment and medicines granted provided by the government, would be at a higher risk of stress and anxiety due to the pain they suffer during their long-term treatment.

Thanks a lot, teacher, I will remember this.

I also think that I have to familiarize myself with writing academic essays and learn English more seriously.

What is your target score in writing and overall?

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My target score in writing is probably 7.5 in IELTS and overall score is 8.0

I actually took the TOEFL test and got 24/30 for my writing. Still, I would like to learn more about the IELTS to become better in English.

In IELTS, 7.5 is not that difficult for you to achieve. Will you eventually sit for IELTS or TOEFL?

Well, I actually took the toefl test 3 weeks ago and the score was not desirable (it’s 91/120) so I intend to take the Ielts test to get an 8.0, which is good enough for me to get accepted in many universities around the world.

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