Hi everybody, today I also write another essay about the study. But this time, I chose a more risky point of view to support. So I hope that I can get your sufficient feedback to improve my essay.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phones, online games, and social networking Websites.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is said that in the past, children had no difficulties in learning. Nowadays, modern technology namely online games, social media has occupied the time of many children. Therefore, it would be more challenging to educate the children than before. I completely disagree with that point since technology will enable them to acquire the necessary knowledge and identify career choices in life.

Of course, in the past, owing to the lack of social media or any technology, children might be less disturbed while studying. However, there would not be many resources for children to gain the essential knowledge. Other than being taught in classes, they could not really have a chance to learn thoroughly about what happened around them. Sometimes, children turned to books or even asked their parents, which might not be the most efficient way. Parents could explain for their children basic things such as weather, housework but if they were demanded to explain more complicated topics such as the birth of a star or any special features for that matter, their parents might not know how to answer them completely. In that case, books would become feasible alternatives. Although books always were presented with full explanations and detailed evidence about their questions, they appeared to be more abstract or complex. As a consequence, children would not fully comprehend the knowledge only by assessing these resources.

Today, thanks to the breakthrough of technology, many children have more opportunities to learn than before. For example, in order to understand natural phenomena, children would like to utilize many online games or social media that provide some visual images and also a simple explanation for that. All of which would easily impress children and therefore help them to remember about these phenomena.

Furthermore, children could identify these career paths because of their exposure to online websites or apps. Take my younger sister as an example, she is good at math and also gets interested in video games so I suggested that she should use the coding application Lightbot to get started. This application was designed in a more vibrant and informative way for students to write some codes. My sister got so interested in creating a program in the app that she told me she would like to become a professional coder in the future.

From the two mentioned views, this leads to the fact that online websites or games or any social platform would not really be detrimental to the study of children. When children know how to avoid some negative effects of playing games and use their time effectively in terms of their study, they will benefit most from the technology.

To sum up, I oppose the statement that teaching children would be harder than in the past because of their much attention to social media or any technology devices. On the contrary, for children who utilize technology for their study and also know their limits, technology helps not only to broaden their horizons but also to navigate their career goals in life.

Lan LeHi everybody, today I also write another essay about the study. But this time, I chose a more risky point of view to support. So I hope that I can get your sufficient feedback to improve my essay.

Hi everybody, today I also wrote write another essay about education. the study. But this time, I chose a more risky point of view to support. So I hope that I can get your sufficient feedback to improve my essay.

It is said that in the past, children had less no difficulties in learning. (The task made no claim that children did not use to have any problems learning.)

Nowadays, modern technology namely online games, social media (

You need to learn about conjunctions. If you have a list of items, the last one in the list had to be preceded by a conjunction.

e.g.

online games, game consoles and social media websites
online games and social media

These are not "technology". They are based on the technology of the internet, electronics and software.

You do not really understand the word "technology". It must be qualified by the kind of technology you are referring to

)

has (wrong verb form. The subject is plural.) occupied (You need the present tense.) the time of many children. Therefore, it would be is more challenging to educate the children than before. I completely disagree with that point since technology using the internet productively will enable them to acquire the necessary knowledge and identify career choices in life. (Obviously, if the only thing they ever did was play Minecraft, World of Warcraft and Grand Theft Auto V they would not gain much knowledge about math, history or science. )

Of course, in the past, owing to the lack of social media or any technology, (That does not make sense. In the previous generation, there was radio, TV, and record players.) children might be less disturbed while studying. However, there would not be many resources for children to gain the essential knowledge. Other than being taught in classes, they could did not really have a chance to learn thoroughly about what happened around them. Sometimes, children turned to books or even asked their parents, which might not be the most efficient way. Parents could explain for their children basic things such as weather, housework (Your conjunction problem again.) but if they were demanded to explain more complicated topics such as the birth of a star or any special features (I don't know what you mean. ) for that matter, their parents might not know how to answer them completely. In that case, books would become feasible alternatives. Although books always were presented with full explanations and detailed evidence about their questions, they appeared to be more abstract or complex. As a consequence, children would not fully comprehend the material knowledge only by assessing these resources. (I am lost here. What age group are you writing about? Children just learning how to read and write - age 5-7, middle schoolers aged 11-13, or high school seniors who study algebra, geometry, history and science in school? In my experience, if a teenager has the choice to read about some serious subject like astrophysics on Wikipedia versus chatting with their friends on snapchat, Facebook or TikTok, or watching some crazy Youtuber do stunts or playing yet another round of Minecraft there is no contest. Reading serious subjects is at the very bottom of that list! )

Today, thanks to the internet and all its resources breakthrough of technology, many children have more opportunities to learn than before. For example, in order to understand natural phenomena, children would like to utilize can find many online games or social media that provide some visual images and also a simple explanation for that. (The greatest proportion of social media is not a reliable source of information. There are many hoaxes and lies and misinformation spread around by conspiracy theorists.) All of which would easily impress children and therefore help them to remember technical information. about these phenomena.

Furthermore, children could identify these potential career paths because of their exposure to online websites or apps. Take my younger sister as an example.(end of sentence. A period, not a comma ends a sentence. A comma makes a comma splice error..) She is good at math and also gets is interested in video games so I suggested that she should use the coding application Lightbot to get started. This application was designed in a more vibrant and informative way for students to write some code. codes. My sister got so interested in creating a program in the app that she told me she would like to become a professional coder in the future.

From the two mentioned views, (Do not use "mentioned" It is exceedingly unnatural, awkward, and old-fashioned.) This leads to the fact that online websites or games or any social platform would not really be detrimental to the study of children. (When you write "study of children" it refers to doctors and psychologists who study some aspect of childhood by doing controlled experiments.. ) When children know how to avoid some negative effects of playing games and use their time effectively in terms of their study, they will benefit most from the technology.

To sum up, I oppose the statement that teaching children would be harder than in the past because of their much attention to social media or any electronic technology devices. On the contrary, for children who use the internet or educational applications utilize technology for their study and also know their limits, technology helps not only to broaden their horizons but also to navigate their career goals in life.


Here are examples of "technology." It is not electronics or the internet, but major innovations created by unknown inventors of the past.



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Hi teacher, as usual, I really appreciate your feedback. It helps me to learn more about English.

In this essay, there are some points that I want to clarify in case you might wonder.

First, it is about one mistake that I made in terms of word choice. Well, I have to say that the word "technology" is the word that I normally use in everyday conversation (of course in my mother tongue) to refer to things that are modern or advanced. But it was not until I read your feedback that I realized I misunderstood this word.

Also, it seems that I do not know the way to express my ideas clearly. I tend to come up with them randomly but I forget to make the reader or the examiner understand what I am trying to say. I suppose this is because of my ways of thinking, which is prone to "implicit meaning" rather than "explicit one". For example, when I mentioned the word "children", I first assumed that people would know that they are from 5 to 10 years old but they didn't.

Finally, I want to explain the reason why children who are at such a young age could prefer reading books to playing video games in my essay. To be honest, this is quite common in my country. In everyday life, I usually see many children learning seriously. Not to mention that my mom once told me that when she was a little kid, she already read many classical books such as 3000 miles to Graceland, the Count of Monte Cristo and etc. Obviously, because of the development of our society, we normally think that children would prefer to play video games. However, I believe that the desire to learn and attain knowledge still exists among them.

Here are just my viewpoints. I know that there are still more mistakes in my essay and when I was on the opposite side, it would be harder for me to support. Yet, I still chose to do that because I want to improve myself in terms of learning English.

By the way, thanks a lot for reading my comment.

Lan Le Well, I have to say that the word "technology" is the word that I normally use in everyday conversation (of course in my mother tongue) to refer to things that are modern or advanced.

In the context of conversation, you have established a context for "technology" and it refers to the technology of your generation, not of the stone age people.

In writing, though, it is important to establish the context using an adjective such as "modern technology", "cutting-edge technology" or a domain such as "information technology" or "communication technology".

Lan LeHowever, I believe that the desire to learn and attain knowledge still exists among them.

That reflects a major difference in cultures.

Every American parent that I know complains about the addictive power of modern technology.

Yesterday I was talking to a good friend. Her son just failed his math exam, and probably will get very low marks in other classes. The reason is that his father (they are divorced), lets his son stay up late at night and play video games or do his social media 24X7 on weekends. So on Monday, when the kid goes to class, he is too sleepy to pay attention, and of course, his homework is not done. The father will not do anything except spoil the kid more and more.

Yes, I agree that it actually depends on the culture.

I feel so sorry about the case of your friend's son. Maybe when seeing his family like that, he does not want to have the motivation to do anything completely let alone study seriously. But I just hope that he will soon find something better in his life, maybe a job that could help him to earn an honest penny.

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