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People have different views about the destinations of young people after school graduate. While going to university might be beneficial for youngsters’ development, I believe that they should also be encouraged to participate in vocational training.

On the one hand, there are some reason why universities might be a good option for school graduates. The first reason is that qualifications gained from universities can help people to secure a high-paid job in the future. For example, when graduating from Foreign Trade University, people could easily find an occupation in a multinational company and have chances to work in modern and dynamic environment. By contrast, without university qualifications, young individuals might have to work in extreme environment without proper security or do some manual jobs with low income. Additionally, university is a dynamic environment where youngsters have chances to improve essential skills such as teamwork or problem-solving. For example, when doing group project, team members have to divide tasks and coordinate to decide suitable ideas.

On the other hand, vocational training is also a potential option for young people to choose. Firstly, these programs could equip young people with experience and skills related to occupations. For example, after finishing vocational training about plumbers, young people are able to fix broken pipes or perform other complicated tasks, while university graduates often have to go through intensive training such as internship to accumulate more career-related knowledge. Secondly, as there is a shortage of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers, there could be many job opportunities in these sectors. Qualified workers could easily get a job after fishing programs while many universities have to wait for a long time when applying for a job due to intense competitions.

In conclusion, while university might be a good destination for school graduates, I would argue that these young people should consider the prospects of vocational programs.

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)

People have different views about the destinations of young people after school graduate. (wrong form) While going to university might be beneficial for youngsters’ a young person's (Youngster is not a good word. They are kids from about 8 - 12 years old) development, I believe that they should also be encouraged to participate in vocational training. (You need to answer the question: To what extent do you agree..?)

On the one hand, there are some reason why universities might be a good option for school graduates. The first reason is that qualifications gained from universities can help people to secure a high-paid job in the future. For example, when graduating from Foreign Trade University, people could easily find an occupation in a multinational company and have chances to work in a modern and dynamic environment. By contrast, without university qualifications, young individuals might have to work in extreme environment without proper security or do some manual jobs with low income. Additionally, a university is a dynamic environment where youngsters have chances to improve essential skills such as teamwork or problem-solving. For example, when doing a group project, team members have to divide tasks and coordinate to decide suitable ideas.

On the other hand, vocational training is also a potential option for young people to choose. Firstly, First, these programs could equip young people with experience and skills related to occupations. For example, after finishing vocational training in plumbing about plumbers, young people are able to fix broken pipes or perform other complicated tasks, while university graduates often have to go through intensive training such as an internship to accumulate more career-related knowledge. Secondly, Second, as there is a shortage of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers, there could be many job opportunities in these sectors. Qualified workers could easily get a job after fishing programs while many universities have to wait for a long time when applying for a job due to intense competitions.

In conclusion, while university might be a good destination for school graduates, I would argue that these young people should consider the prospects of vocational programs.

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