This is a composition from a book. My teacher said this was a very badly written composition. Hope to get some comments. Thank You.
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Young People are slaves to fashion. Discuss.

It is true that young people are quick to follow anything around the world which appears ‘hip’ or ‘in’. It is in their nature to want to be like young people in other parts of the world. They are quick to relate and to follow what they think is fashionable. By fashion, are included dress, taste in music, language, hairstyles, drug-taking and even moral values. Except in the most traditional of societies, it is impossible to control the coming of fashion from other countries. With television, books and magazines bring so easily available, the world has shrunk and what is discovered as ‘fashion’ in one part of the world spreads like wildfire everywhere else.

Youth, usually referred to as teenagers, are rebels because of restlessness within. They want to assert their individuality and the values of their peers, and break away from the influence of their parents and their parents’ generation. It is this restlessness that makes teenagers keeps close to their groups. They seek relationships and in the process get carried away by the need to be with group in order to gain acceptance. More often, the influence of the group and the need to be up-to-date with fashion has no bad results and sometimes, the influence can even be good. But as often as not, what happens is that there is blind adherence to the standards set by the group and being slaves to whatever happens to be in fashion at the time. This can be undesirable because there is little reason involved. The situation may be such that the youths in the group do what is in fashion and what the group leader decides to be ‘hip’ and little thought is given to consequences. Groups of youths who go about vandalising public and private property because they think that it is fashionable come under this category. Often the result is apprehension and punishment by the law and a criminal record that would ruin one’s future.

Hence, we see that the tendency to be slaves to fashion can lead to a lot of danger. Yet it is true that for generations after generations of youth, the same tendency is present. Can anything be done to curb this spirit? In very regimented societies, youth are controlled by the tenets of custom and religion and in some cases, force is used to make sure that the rules are obeyed. Breaches of the rules are severely dealt with as if the youths are common criminals. Of course, this is the other extreme. Controlling youths with force curbs the good that could come out of the force and energy that drives all of them in that age. It would be a waste indeed for instead of being used, the energy is stopped from flowing.

Youth is just a passing age and one where naturally there is rebelliousness. Everything should be done to ensure that the adults understand why youths behave this way. Methods to guide them at the time when they are becoming slaves to fashion must be found. There are many harmless outlets that youths could be channelled to at the time that they begin this obsession with fashion. Some of these could be doing social work, learning new skills and even working. Perhaps, parents can build up a relationship of trust before their children reach teenage – sometimes called the problem age or the difficult age. What needs to be realised is that the tendency to be slaves to fashion is actually the crying out of a deeper need to be understood, recognised and loved. If parents, schools and other bodies can hear this cry above the mere outward expression of the adherence to fashion, or better still, stand by the youths before the rebellion begins, a lot of good can be achieved.
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I really need some comments on this composition. Please help to judge this essay, and why is it badly written
I have read the essay and to some extent I do agree that it is poorly written. This is because it contains a lot of negative comments about young adolescents and how they act as a member of society.
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Hey I've read the essay and it is a very poor argument. It is ridden with fallacies which diminish any argument. It makes no attempt to explore other arguments on the topic. It frequently contradicts itself... For example: Teenagers are restless rebels and need to assert their indivduality... yet they do this by conforming to fashion. It's rediculous. Also it doesn't go into any detail about fashion and there isn't any logical progression in the argument making it very difficult to understand what the author is trying to say.

I hope that helps a bit. Good luck.
The is that youth is a pharse of conflict.We must advise them how to cope in the soceity because nowadays youth are more interested with tecnological change .
it would have been beeter if you started with an inetresting line. by reading your first line, i had liked to stop reading. write in such a manner that makes people curious to know what are written further. i guess you have not given much examples as well. A very best idea is to START WITH AN EXAMPLE like a news or an incedent and try to relate it with the topic. sorry but it was sort of boring. dont mind. ok
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you must have started it very interestingly like with an example. you should write in such a manner that it makes people curious. just dotn write the obvious. and give plenty of examples and idioms and phrases. ok.

start with some recent knews or fictious news and relate it with the topic. dont make the viewer feel bore with the forst line. the viewer wont read the rest and you will get bad comments. understood???
that's true. if you are young you follow fashion easyly
good easy
in ma opinion, i think its a good 1!! keep rockin
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