Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “MAGNITUDE, n. Size purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been. ”
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse. ”
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate. ”
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies. ”
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman. ”
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who , followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience. ”
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce “PEDESTRIAN, n. The variable (an audible) part of the roadway for an automobile. ”